kl trip

first of all...would like to introduce the hotel we stayed in..Berjaya Times Square hotel..it's 5 stars..paid 199 each for it...it's a suite actually..hmm..the trip was supposed to be only for mi and zan..coz uncle got a briefing on sat...he dilly dally and decided to go with us suppeeeer last min...managed to get him a bus tkt though...but he left the nx day at 530pm...first..take a look at the comfortable beds..the sofa.and of coz!!! the bathroom!!





unpacked our stuff after checking in..gosh...zan looks like she is going for a fashion show..actually...mi too la..hahah...went out straight after that...first we went berjaya times square to have lunch at kenny rogers..well..singapore's KR is nicer la...but dun be picky la ok...here's our lunch..



crazy...

went to smoke with uncle..and zan went to shop ard...had decided to meet outside a shop after 10mins...but tt gal...disappeared...nearly wanted to go info counter to make announcement...lol..but she appeared soon after tt...shit la..wasted...she's realli like my daughter...gotta keep a lookout for her..coz she always runs ard..and i gotta keep her passports with me...she'll lost it.....gdness...after berjaya..we went to Pertaling St...shall announce that uncle is definitely King of Bargains!! fantastic...bargain like noone's business...like auntie...actually worse than tt...lol..but it's good smhw..coz i can never do it...zan bought two shades..i bought a bag..(which he bargained from RM100 to RM 50!!!)hahah..grab la..even though it's a imitation coach bag...but who cares...and he..shopping king..bought a pair of nike shoes..jeans and berms...went back to hotel after that..getting ready to club at Hard Rock which is quite sucky coz it's a thurs night..shared a jug of beer with uncle..gosh..didnt noe i turned soooooo red!! and they freaking keep making fun of me...thanks eh!! i got quite crazy though..like..not wanting to slp on the bed..but i dunno hw i managed to massage zan's feet..lol..and she kept asking if i am ok...had a feeling of wanting smone to pamper mi whenever i drink..quite crazy la..my behavious and all..but i am sober ok..like duh...two glasses of beer...slept after tt...wundered if i snored like clifford...but i noe zan did!! hahahah..sorry babe...




woke up for breakast at about 10am...got nagged by uncle...no choice..mi and zan made our way down..gobbled lotsa food...yummy..esp the omelette and pancakes...yummylicious..went back up to rm..and dear zan wanna go gym!!!! gdness..nvm..wait for her then...but i fell aslp...lol...one hour later she came back scolding mi and uncle...opps...lazy la..and too comfy..hurry washed up and made our way to Sungei Wang..had swensens for lunch..i finished up one huge bowl of caesar salad!! they said i am like a rabbit...yeah i agree..but healthy food what..eat more...better for yr health...walked ard the shopping mall..apparently..it's too huge for us to finish shopping coz gotta send uncle off at pasar rakyat..bought a pair shoes at vincci...nice...my fetish...shoes...rushed off to send uncle soon after...and zan n i will be left alone in KL...sending him off felt like..both of us gals are malaysians sending our sin fren off..haha..anyway..both of us took a cab to KLCC after that..lucky taxi go by meter..wun get cheated coz uncle nt ard...shopped ard..plucked our eyebrows.and did a fabulous job...bought cinnabons at RM86.40!!!!!!!! we were shocked...beyond words...went str back to hotel after tt.........sigh...






our expensive cinnabons....

reached hotel..and we started taking retarded pics..but fun though..just both of us...haha..went supermarket to get cup noodles for dinner...heart pain..spent too much on cinnabons...gotta save abit....had our dinner..and started watching tv...dunno what show it is but....gosh it was like...scary!! both of us were practically hugging each other and screaming..we ended up on her bed hugging the cushion..and screamed when we got a shock..i rem the nx movie we watched is anaconda..haha..again..screamed..show ended and we fell aslp..on the same bed..even when i have my own bed!! hahah..zan woke up in the morning for gym again...and waited for her for breakfast b4 heading to berjaya times sq theme park (Cosmos World)..enjoy the pics we took..on our way back to sin as well...












alright...end of trip...overall..enjoyed it alot...more to come ok..when's our camping?? phuket?? ubin?? huh huh huh?!?!

hilarious!!

hahah gotta update this b4 i slp...it's a funny day...managed to learn some malay phrases from my colleagues...used it on ppl who teased me..hmm smthing like...'cium pantat aku' which means kiss my ass...hahaha...used it on chand...my dearest OM...kekek....never die b4...and there are more like...'selenge' meaning blur...alamak...cannot remember la...left my 'notes' in office....haha...anywayz..went for dinner at sakae sushi with marlia...finally got to satisfy our craving!!! hmm.....sedap...hahaha...(am i becoming a malay gal??)..this cute waitress came up to us...haha..coz marlia ordered gyoza...but it wasnt served after sm time...waitress came up' excuse me mdm.....yr...gyoza...will be ready in a...feeeww..minss....' and she gave that satisfying smile as though she finally managed to finish her sentence...HAHAH...guess she had prepared in the kitchen b4 coming up to us...joyce joyce...u r mean...

best part....shared cab hm with her...i remembered she's going tampines st 22...but in the end...she told uncle hougang st 11...i was like...huh?!! where?!?! she repeated...'hougang st 11 la...' i was like...where????? she pointed a direction..'there only!!' hahaha...but god damn it..tts tamp la!!! selenge!!! hahahaahaha end of story..marlia...wake up!!!

recent events..

just a short write up of the recent events we had...first of all..company's chalet at costa sands pasir ris...on 1jul06...reached the chalet at about 430 and began by blowing the stupid balloons..lucky i have eddie to help...it felt like we are holding a children's bday party...and i think the child we are tokking about here is Zan...haha...


blow n blow...

it went on well..having lucky draws..running ard making sure everything's in order...like a mad woman...din even eat much actually...totally lost appetite coz it was so freaaaaking hot!!! take a look at some of the pics...









enjoyed the night after dinner...listening to marlia's singing...cool babe...and lazing on the bed..zan tot i was in a bad mood...nonono babe...just tired...in the end...only 5 of us stayed overnight...eddie went hm...left mi..shaf..zan...marlia..and none other than snoring KING clifford...thanks eh!!! we chatted the whole night..watching insane tv shows..chinese one!! and dear marlia asked mi to interpret...wheni cant do it...they started to interpret themselves..from the tree eats the woman..to burning clothes...haha..damn funny...just when we wanted to slp...forgot who actually suggested ordering mac for breakfast...haha..clifford called up to order...but the rest of us keep making jokes at his conversation..to a point he was confused too!! haha...when the gal asked for the address..he asked back if it's his home address she wants...wtf!!!and our dear zan...best...tot she noes the gal (jasmine) coz she worked at the call centre b4...took the fone...and starting talking ' hey jasmine..i zan...opps.....which jasmine are you...oh..sorry wrong person...' hahahahah.....and quote of the night...'pls be square n fair...' hahaha...enuff enuff...hahaha...finished breakfast at about 530am....finally time to slp....just when i am falling deep aslp....so comfy....our DEAR BELOVED CLIFFORD GOMEZ gotta SNORE!!! thunderous boy!!! gosh...decided to move to the nx rm...but still can hear...wth...might as well squeeze with them la...at least nt as creepy...lol...tahan......finally morning...we were still watching sm prog on suria....then phone rang..'excuse me...check out time is 1030...'OMG..dunno who says it's 12pm ah!!??? got only 15mins to clear our things!! gosh..i hurried to the reception...and god...saw my long lost fren kartini...so she's the one who called us...haha...headed hm str after tt..slpt until abt 7 plus then wake up...met jimmy for dinner after tt...at siglap..stupid cafe...smoking box is so smaaaallll....redundant....might as well make the whole plc smoke free...

ok nx up....KL trip...a lil lazy to blog about it....just uoload a few pics first ok....


heading to KL...in our vip coach


do..re...mi


me before clubbing..


KLCC...

alright...more to come...hang on...

holiday or holey day

before i head off to KL (once again)...i wish to apologise if i had offended with you anything i said last night...didnt want to start off any conversation with the same topic..dunno why our conversation led there anyway....really regret whatever had happened...dunno if things are going to be the same again....and i swear.....i will never wanna start tokking about the same thing again.....i noe u r sick n tired of having to explain yr reasons...and i am sick and tired of hearing the same thing with makes no sense to me....

sorry dude....for whatever made u unhappy...

ciao

GERMANY ROCKS!!!

this entry is a bit late but nevertheless will still update a lil of what i've done..on the 29th of June, hmm...work la...as usual...after work...went 'shopping' with boss for the prizes for company bbq. i noe he has long legs...gosh...he walked super fast..really difficult to catch up with him..and when he slowed down for me..he complained that he feels like a tortoise...damn..chand chand.....what can i say about you....hm...bought about 19 items for the prizes..had a hard time carrying them back to office..but managed...finished shopping at about 7pm..had decided to go for dinner with zan at fish n co after she finish work...waited at coffee bean while reading my book and enjoying a cup of mocha latte..time passed so slowly when u read...how i wish it'll be like tt forever coz smtimes..gd things ends too fast...

as usual...took pics...we really love ourselves so much...always thinking we're so cute..and sweet...hahahah...girls will always be girls...here r the pics..


table set up...


zan...


us..so sweettttt....ewww


finally..our food....yummy...craving for it alrdy...lol

30june06
hmm...stayed back after work to wrap prizes for the lucky draw..gosh...i suck at it...but soon after...my superman came to save me...hmm....seems like he's alot better than me..haha..i suspect he worked part-time at taka gift wrap counter during xmas season b4..hahah...thankful for his help...muackz~...after gift wrapping..went for dinner at century square...it seems like we love the food in tamp soooo much...thinking of it makes mi a lil sick...*puke*...chatted for a while before rushing off to bras basah to meet sis to watch soccer match...gosh...chijmes was fully booked..guess what..we watched in a foodcourt...hahaha...but interesting though...crowd is so different...lol...but got caucasians too!! the biggest news is....i shared a bottle of beer with my sis's colleague!! hhahaha..so aunty!!!match was exciting...Germany vs Argentina...my germany made mi sad at first...when ARG scored the first goal..u can tell by the look on their faces that GER is definitely under great pressure..they werent playing well at all...near to the end of the match... Klose (ger) scored!!!! my hero!!!! love you!!! hahaha...which means there is extra time...both teams were playing quite well after tt...but noone scored...shit...i hate this part...penalty shoot...can gimme heart attack...GER did well...ARG shot but my beloved goalkeeper(GER) saved it!!! HERO!! haha...nx up....GER scored again...ARG scored...GER scored once again...this time..ARG is not so lucky...my beloed goalkeeper saved it once again...Argentina ADIOS!! yesyesyes...so happy...hahaha...crazy..my sis jumped up and down..was quite shocked at her behaviour...lol...anyway...left the place and met jimmy to watch second match..but accompanied him to loyang temple first..met his colleagues and frens there....they went to pray..i sat one corner waiting and wundering why three dogs there kept barking at nothing...weird...left temple for beach rd again...to watch Italy vs Ukraine...basically..didnt watch la...fell aslp...mentioned before the sofa there is damn comfy...hahah...reached hm at about 530am and fell flat on my bed....but gotta wake up shortly after for the bbq...well well.....this has to be continued in nx entry when pics are up...catch me soon!

fatigue

what is fatigue? to me...it isnt just about having insufficient sleep..it's about feeling tired emotionally as well...life is like playing stocks, it goes up and down up and down..smtimes when u are just feeling 'up',smthing has to happen and it goes down again..though things may not be happening on yourself..u can well be affected badly by people around you..it's not that u do not want to share the burden with them..but smtimes it's just too heavy for you to bear.

it hurts to see smone..who is actually greatly affected but still trying hard to put on a smile..perhaps they just dun want to let their problems affect the overall mood..i mean...why let others suffer when you're clearing yr own shit?it's true..but it's inevitable for others who care for you to feel sad as well...what are the best ways to help them without letting them feel it's just a form of sympathy?smtimes i wish i have the strength to do all i can to see them happy.but does it mean what goes ard comes ard for this instance?nah..i dun believe in it...though u may wan to others to make u happy just like what u had done for them...they may nt be able to do it..or maybe they had tried but u cant see it..well..everyone does things differently and see life in different perspective..

life is a game..but as long as u know u had tried your best in everything u do..i think it's more than enuff..no matter what the outcome is...the sweet memories are everlasting...and come on...you never know what is the outcome if u never try...u WONT gain anything AT ALL if u dun put in the wee bit of effort..but well..if anything fails to go the way u expected or wanted...the most impt thing is u've done yr best and u wun feel bad abt it isnt it...what u need is support from ppl ard you...when u feel tired..u have yr frens to motivate you..and you will be able to go further..let's tok about r/s...it take two hands to clap...if u are lost, yr partner will hold yr hands and lead u back to where u belong..if u meet any problems which will affect the whole r/s...for eg marriage...well...it shd be done in a way where both parties work out smthing to make it WORK.in life...there is nth u cannot do to make it better...it all depends if u wanna do it or nt...if u keep feeling u cannot do it....perhaps u shd realli think about what u have done the whole life...and hw u have walked thru half of yr life...it cannot be just by luck u led yr life smoothly...smtimes..u did put in effort without realising it...so when it's time for you to think hw u shd make things work...u have to realise you can just be laid back anymore...think....if u wan it to work...it will...it all depends on you...yr heart..what u wan..........

for you,
from me

**this is just a general topic,nt aiming at anyone**

what a day...

mi and zan acting cute at chijmes

on the 24th of june, hmm..what did i do....met sis in town and shop ard...had dinner the spageddies and drinks after tt...rushed off to meet zan at city hall to watch soccer at chijmes..my oh my...and she's late like..erm...more than 30mins?hahaha...it's just her..but she already rushed so i dun blame her...headed down to chijmes and settle down at a bar..forgot the name though...poor thing..we gotta sit outside along the corridor coz everywhere's packed...oh well...ordered one pint of hoegaarden, as usual...face went red...zan ordered a cocktail called 'thailand meets china' haha...interesting..forgot what they mixed though...we watched the match btwn Germany n Sweden..gosh gosh..Germany surely didnt disappoint mi...and the best thing is...we were sitting where the sweden fans were sitting...lol..when we shouted goal...i can feel eyes staring at us...keke...too bad...no seats at the rest of the bars...no choice...GERMANY GERMANY GERMANY!!!!!!

game ended at about 1..finished up my drinks...and decided to walk down to clarke quay...romantic right...haha..just the two of us...walked ard and laughed like crazy gals..headed towards boat quay after tt...called jimmy and found out he's at his fren's pub in beach rd..both mi and zan decided to head down to the pub to catch the 2nd match argentina vs mexico..hmm..you noe why zan is ok with this decision? hahah..her parents are on holiday!! she has no curfews and calls rushing her hm...keke...so decided nt to let her feel tt her night is wasted...brought her to the pub...it's actually a KTV pub..where ppl sing chinese songs...haha...but they will show soccer at 3am when the pub is closed and only a few of us left...well..i suppose the sofa was too comfy and zan fell aslp..waking up during intervals to catch a glimpse of the match..i was losing the bet..sigh...argentina is disappointing..lucky i onli bet a small amt...i noe my limits..gosh..there's extra time for 30mins..and the match ended at 530am...yeah...hungry as usual...went to tamp to have mac breakfast...on the way there, zan n i decided to go cycling in the afternoon...and my dear fren jimmy suggested sentosa...i commented smthing like...'sentosa?3pm is too late..' and guess wat...he dared us to go sentosa right after breakfast..gosh..both of us gals were shocked...and we were like...'really??? sure nt??' and he was indeed...so we took up the challenge and agreed..swallowed the breakfast fast..went hm to wash up and pack, and there he was...fetched mi at 730am...omg...i sneaked out of the hse like a rat..dun wan my mum to think i reached hm at 645 and str after..i go out again...but she called mi in the end..lucky she was fine with it..hahaha...

so we headed to sentosa after fetching zan...it was like...POURING!! gosh...but we still went ahead..when we reached the carpark in sentosa, it was still drizzling..we decided to slp in the car for awhile for the rain to stop...i slept like pig...of coz..come on...din freaking slp the whole night!but my dear zan...can walk ard...and she worked on sat..which means she woke up since 6plus am on sat!! more than 24hrs lack of slp..and she's so hyper??maybe it's the lack of slp which caused tt..haha...even jimmy finds it amusing...finally the rain got lighter...we walked to the beach and found a shelter..placed my mat and settled down...and tt jimmy lied down and slept immediately..fantastic..he slp and slp and slp..while we gals entertain ourselves but gossiping and we walked from one end of the beach and back..lol..we went down to the water and acted like small gals..we held hands and jump when the wave comes in..hahaha..insane!! here's a pic of mi..when we played scissors paper stone and the winner gets to hit the back of the palm...well..just look at mine..dun think zan's soft..dun be deceived!!finally..jimmy is awake..coz both of us gals woke him up..he's been slping for far too long! when it's our turn to slp...he started his nonsense...he said 'the devil is nw awake..can u see my horns?' ahaha...oh no....he started kicking sand on us..fed up..we got up..and wanted to pour water on him..he ran..sigh..cant catch...he found a small bucket and filled up with sea water..chased mi....i gave up...just let him pour...lol..zan got it too...lol...we din wanna bathe..but nw..no choice..we ran to the beach...got wet...stupid boy pushed mi down..and i knocked my elbow and knee..pain la!!
poor zan...lol...since she's like half wet..i decided to gang up with jimmy and hahaha...got her WET!! kekeke..played like crazy kids...must be becuz of fatigue..went to bathe after tt...uncle shaf called...wanted to meet up..and nagged at us..coz we didnt ask him along..but hey..it was so last min!!uncle uncle...anywayz..zan forgot her towel..gotta share...and we headed back to the carpark after bathing..end of our day in sentosa.....took a bus hm at katong coz jimmy went off to meet his frens..we gals are tooooo...exhausted..cant even meet shaf..reached hm...and went to bed at 8!! lol...and slept like a pig..cant even hear my phone ring when uncle lawrence smsed mi..haha..sorry!

alright peepz...enjoy the pics..


serious driver


refraining from laughing too loudly


ew...wat the....


dun be decieved..it's nt sunset..it's sunrise...






tts my red hand.....all thanks to zan...muackz










reading at the beach?


manicured feet

burp~

my dear zan sweetie


bestie..miss her....

hehe...just ate my dinner...sinful one...macdonald's..mcspicy wuth the curly fried and green tea..anyway...gotta catch up abit...perhaps shd summarise what happened recently first yeah...

first of all..smthing weird is happening to my features...i m delevoping double eye lid!!! gosh..my left eye lid is pretty deep but right eye...coming soon...lol...dunno wassup...it's strange..after 23 yrs without double eye lids...i feel it's weird...actually dun realli like it....shrugz..i noe many chinese gals are dying for it...but what the hell...hmm..it developed after i used Stila's Eye liner...is it becoz of tt?? hahah...babes...you gals dun have to go for ops anymore...go to Stila counter in CK Tang ok!? hahaha..lame...

next on the list...my index and middle finger got caught in btwn the glass door at the main entrance of my office...i wanted to push the door and my colleague pull the other one...damn...was realli painful!!!two of my colleagues azreena and uncle lawrence gotta help mi rub one finger each...i teared...my two fingers went numb...even nw..i have problem typing with my left hand....realli not my day....when i was waiting for bus...rcvd his call...asking mi to wait for him and zan sweetie as they were at gym...went to walk ard while waiting...rcvd a call again and told to wait at new york pizza...'we'll reach in 5mins time' said him...BUT!!! i waited for than 15mins!! gosh..why...my zan sweetie had to take a shower...lol...zan zan...it's just you...hahah...sat at new york pizza for awhile b4 heading home...lol...uncle uncle...who in the world will wear bermudas to the gym??? hahahah..only you my dear...

anyway...managed to trash things out with him...both of us confessed our true feelings for each other...but the thing is...he keep insisting that i shd forget him...cried twice becuz of it...why..his reason being 'it's just me...i have my restrictions,u wont understand..nobody would..just take it as i'm a coward'...gosh...yeah...cannot accept this....what kinda of restrictions? married? or in actual fact u are attached? smtimes it's hard to understand why when two persons have smthing for each other...they just cant be together...sigh...u asked mi to be strong...i am growing 'stronger'...u shd noe what i am tokking about...stronger nt in terms of accepting that we cant be tog....stronger to make it work...glad i can see yr sincerity as well...small little gestures from you like calling mi nearly everyday after i finish work...smtimes i have the urge to call you...but dunno y...as usual...it's just mi...scared.....lol...funny me...all i can do is sms u...though smtimes i wanna hear yr voice...but i am still scared no matter hw much the urge is....what to do....coward too....zan..................sigh...i am pathetic right.......keke..miss you babe.........RIGHT...side track alrdy...

alright...cant type anymore...fingers hurting.....gtg......*poof*

cant make up my mind

shd i or shd i nt?shd i or shd i nt?shd i or shd i nt?why am i asking myself this question over and over again?do i clearly noe what it's gonna happen if it turns out negative? obviously i am not optimistic enough to think it'll be positive...ok guys...i'm taking any test yeah...it's just a decision to make..

though smhw i was quite confident that it'll be positive...why am i still here asking myself this question?fear is the word...pessimistic me...always...whats new?!though matt keep telling mi trytrytry...argh...try doesnt seem to be in my dictionary...i think it's not anymore...i guess...wat if it comes in a way where it's just making mi comfortable about it?what if it's definitely nt the way we think it is?even though it's smhw obvious but what if........

sigh..i know nuts about what i am talking about...game over...dun wanna think anymore.....but will continue to ask myself...what if...shd i or shd i not?what if...shd i or shd i not....what if.........

if i were you..

I'm tryin' to protect you
From the lies that your heart tells
Even though it says that you love me
All I see is pain and misery
Seasons may change
But I can't forget the days of old
My heart ached when you walked away
I said I'd never love again

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz my heart has given up

if i were you......what am i?what do i want from myself?i want smting that doesnt exist and will never come...smthing unrealistic...smthing i'm only dreamin of...when will i wake up from this dream?who will wake mi up?do i realli wan to wake up and face this world...a world with lots of uncertainties...and disappointments....i have enough....maybe....i shd just sleep forever....

Cutie Bootie~

bowling day...had real fun today...though Cutie Bootie lost terribly..it's just the participation and time spent with those funky ppl ard me tt's impt. went to coffee shop at tamp near st hilda's to have light lunch and drinks...couldn't decide where to proceed next..in the end..shafie,zan and i went to tamp mall..wanting to catch a show but....long QUEUE!! what to do...DVC is too pop man...so we walked ard (like as if we are not sick of tamp)...and went to play pool at tamp pavilion...it's cute to see zan learning pool...just like a little gal...WoooOo HoooOO...trashed Shafie twice but i guess it's pure luck...or maybe its the lillard practice yesterday..oh yeah..and went kim seng bowl yesterday to practice for my bowling!!!!hahah in the end...cannot make it..but better than yest~! haha..thanks matt!! this time i didnt kick the bowling ball!!!


opps side tracked alrdy...kk..after pool we went to have dinner at tamp mall and had the 'though lost' carona chicken rice..lol...nvm..lame...anyway..we are suppose to go home afetr dinner...ended up talking and taking insane pics near the mrt station..lol..realli insane day...2 gals and a man...a father a mother and a daughter...LAME....lol....shaf and zan will noe what i am talking about...heheheh...right darlings~...kekek...

hey found this at zan's blog....check it out...acronyms of my name

J : Jolly
O : Orderly
Y : Young
C : Clumsy
E : Entertaining

smthing wrong with the html...nvm...rough idea of what it is la hor...anyway...sian...gotta work the nightmare shift 11-8 again nx wk..off on friday...may haf a camping outing with the peeps on sat night but well...it solely depends on sm ppl...hehe..k...GTG...AND OH SHIT!!!! I'VE GOT A COLD SORE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

self-denial syndrome

又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有

我要快乐
我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的

who doesnt wanna be happy all their lives coz we only live once?why must humans get hurt again and again?who likes to be lonely and not have anyone ard them?but smtimes...even if we have everything....we'll still feel empty. humans are plain selfish...i admit i am as well...but why are we selfish? simply becoz we want to have a happy life...but when others are selfish towards to...you wont be agrreable tt they just wanna be happy...this is life's contradiction....and everyone lives with it...

离开你我才发现自己
那爱笑的眼睛
流过泪
像躲不过的暴风雨
淋湿的昨天删去
离开你我才找回自己
那爱笑的眼睛
再见爱情
我一定让自己
让自己决定
smtimws after losing smthing...will we really realise that we are happier?how long must we take in order to realise that...how about the pain u have to bear during this period of time?it's true that this is part and parcel of life...but...humans are like tt...they cannot accept it when they have to go through this pain...and will fall into the trap again...who can they blame but themselves. The hard truth is....we will never blame ourselves isnt it? We're always perfect in our own eyes...when others question about yr flaws..you'll never agree to them. Will life really be more beautiful in the other side of the world?Or it's just us...who cant see hw beautiful this world is?many of us are blinded by the slight imperfections and can never see the picture of the whole world...

many of us are selfish to the extent that...we want the best of two worlds...but never do we realise that it's never possible...u have to live in one...then will you be able to leave this world and move on to the other...but u can never...have two at the same time...no matter hw lousy or farked up one of the worlds can be...it's a living experience..and u will never noe that it's actually much better than the other world you are dying to go to...only then will u regret yr decisions...but for some people...they will insist that there will be no regrets...but inside them...they are feeling some kinda pain which they will never realise...the self-denial syndrome u call that...

thanks guys

1apr06 - a day to remember

a birthday celebration for me organised by caline sweetie and matthew....oh well..it was supposed to be a surprise but apparently...matt leak out the plans...lol...bet caline wanna kill him..

right...lemmi start...i had my hair rebonded (yes again) yest afternoon...then met them at heeren to have dinner...well...caline reserved table at lemon grass...ordered a few dishes...on dutch though...hee....then...well..actually matt alrdy told mi claine ordered a cake for me...but to make things worse...the waiter asked if he can serve the cake...lol...it was suppose to be a surprise la...like..maybe (to me la) tt they will bring out the cake unexpectedly..but..well..no nid for surprise anymore..haha...funny...can tell caline is quite pissed off la...but she didnt give a pissed off look...but rather....an amused look..hw come her plans turned out like tt....hahah...the cake was served....smthing quite special...i think it is a champange cherry cake or smthing like tt la.....it was nice....not too sweet...heard it was all the way from holland village..caline gotta get it all planned properly so i wont see the cake...so sweet...after cake cutting....it's presents time...hehehe....caline handed a taka paper bag to mi....a present from all of them...caline, matt, jinrong, shaun, lionel,weiliang, michelle and meiting...thanks guys and gals...thanks for the pink braun buffel wallet...love it guys...nx...presenting...a photobook titled A peek into the past year...done by matthew and consultant meiting...i tell u...omgomg...i nearly teared when i saw it...i mean...when i saw the cover...i was so freaking touched la!!! omg...it consists of pics we took the past yr...exactly one yr...thr day when we met up again...to celebrate my bday..the day when all of us promised never to part again...it was nice....so many pics....proper ones...act cute ones...and of coz....retarded ones...lol...it's realli a treasure....coz...u can never turn back time...this is smthing for mi to remember the events in the past yr...thanks frens...realli thanks...love all of you...

nx up....we went coco latte...right...again..it was meant to be a surprise....and well..matthew...again...lol....right...got there at about 10 plus.....ordered a bottle of vodka for the guys...slacked abit...and drank and played games as usual...shortly after my colleagues turned up...fizah and carlo first....took pics...and liz came after them...at about 11 plus....the rest joined us..ppl like ridwan, val, sharana and shafie came...they ordered vodka too....gosh....u noe what....as usual...bday boy or gal always gotta undergo this shit...matthew and guys ordered Barcardi 151....well..it was 1 for 1...it smelt realli horrible...i left mine aside...i dun wanna drink and die onli like at about 11???? madness....so the guys went ahead first...weiliang drank...his face turned bitter looking...then shaun....another one...then matt...shit...the alcoholics said it taste terrible and the drink is burning their throat...hw about mi man??? hw can i take it...right...i promised them to drink it at 12am...at least let mi dance abit and entertain my colleagues first...haha..we took tons of pics...realli retarded ones...canot wait for the pics to be uploaded....with my colleagues as well...they are so fun...love them.....finally at 12am....the clock strikes...i gotta drink it up....WELL...i DID IT!!! shit man.......i tell u...the drink SUX!!!! damn teribble....ew...the moment i drank it i wanna vomit it out alrdy!!!i can feel my throat burning....it's realli terrible la....wun wanna drink it again.....went upstairs to the dancefloor to dance abit...it was PACKED!! couldnt even breathe properly...my back was damn wet when i went downstairs to send my colleagues off....but realli glad they turned up..had fun with them....lol.......sat with my frens after tt....a series of unfortunuate events happened...like mi falling on the floor....etc..shant name out......sorry....frens..i was drunk.....esp to rong mei.....sorry.....

hao la.....lazy to type liao....signing off.......................

gosh..i am so tired

wundering why...i am getting more n more tired each and everyday...always gotta realli drag myself out of bed...feel old alrdy...and i am serious....wel...turning 23 soon....but still....nth achieved....

feel like i am hanging..nowhere...for my career...been waiting for a call from the stupid company for interview...but was out on hold due to some internal reshuffling before they can ask us to start...and at this point of time...my company offered me a new job scope...i was lost..realli lost...dunno what i wan suddenly....but in the end...i chose to give up on the job scope my company offered...i will persevere and look for a new life out there...it's time to move on i guess...

hmm..what have i been doing for the past few wks...i gues...nth....drinking n drinking n drinking...hahah...been an alcoholic i can say....or rather...tts the onli thing i can say...

26th March 2006 marks the day...10 years of frenship for mi and my bestie caline...bought ourselves a ring each....met at citylink...went to get ring at mintmark...opps...before tt...i managed to get her a stalk of sunflower...and she actually got mi brownie...legendary famous brownie from SMU...but...well...it's realli nice...we proceeded to marina square for a drink...and shared the brownie together..took pics together (whats new)...nx...we took a slow walk from marina to club street (near far east square) to find a nice restaurant for our dinner...gosh...it was a long walk...both of us were wearing heels...cant think back hw we managed to survive...finally settled down at a rest called Mosaic...they serve jap, european and brazilian cuisine...brazilian cuisine consists of a buffet tt serves 7kinds of meat and some appetizer buffet la...we picked Baked Assorted Seafood...sounds nice huh....oh well...while waiting...the waiter surprised us with a plate of appetizers...mushrooms...tempura...well..and bread la...we ate slowly...thinking the servining of the main course will be huge......here comes the waiter again after awhile...both of us got a huge shock....the serving is............relatively.....SMALL man...just the size of a baby lobster...i think just 1 mth old....gosh...pathetic la...and a few pieces of small sotong fish clams on top of the lobster baby.....we laughed and laughed...coz didnt expect it to be like...fine dining....right....ate them up...less than 5 mins....hahaha...well...for us...of coz...we're still starving la!!!...pathetic...we finished up the left over slices of bread...we tot of ordering desert...but found out from the waiter tt the portion is quite small....we forgot abt the idea......give up....just about to ask for bill..the waiter waits towards our table and served us two plates of...i dunno what....brownish..gruey....stuff.....heard it was some pudding la....gosh...what a surprise....coz we din noe before hand abt this....yeah..it tasted nice though...haha...we even asked for extra servings of bread...hahaha...hahhaa....and we finished them up....funny dinner...after dinner...we walked back to raffles place...not knowing where to go...decided to walk down boat quay and finaly to clarke quay to have a drink at TCC....walked all the way....we really have the enrgy huh...sat down at TCC...talked about stupid stuff tt happened in school...like since 10yrs ago...stuff tt we dunno...it was nice...realli nice...realli enjoyed every moment with her...

on 20th of march 2006...received a stalk of lilies and a vase...well...a promise by smone...i was touched...very touched...dunno what else to say....just tt...shouldnt have wasted yr money la.... = ) muackz...

gotta end here.........ciao

ridiculous me

heart feels heavy...as if there is a tonne of gold buried into it...mood feels lousy...as if never felt happy before...woke up nt feeling good about everything...feels as if the world owes me...dragged myself to work...as if i have never felt this sick of work before...coughed alot today....as if this is the worst cough i had in my life....ate lunch today...felt as if it is my last lunch....came home after work today...entered into an empty house....as if nobody lives here anymore....

the kinda loneliness inside of me...brings me down...everything about me....went away....like it will never come back to me again....listening to sad songs...like things aint bad enuff for me to bear.....but it just soothes my heart as i think...thats the only way i can feel right nw...repeating the same old songs....like i had never heard them before....tried to sing the songs though had lost my voice...as if i can never sing again tmr...

灯光熄灭了音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了
人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了

the lights went off...the music's stopped...the tears tt flowed cannot be stopped...rain pours down..we are unhappy....my heart is really hurt...really painful.....

as i started to sing....tears flowed....it felt as if i can never stop it....but it also felt as if this is the last time....and i shd just cry it all out...and tt i will feel better after a good night's sleep....my heart's broken...it cannot be mend....pls stop breaking it further.....i beg you......coz.....i will die....die of exhaustion....die of disappointments...die of dehydration....i am tired....i feel like sleeping forever.....i wish i am brain dead...so i cannot feel the cold world i'm in....i am shivering...trembling everytime it starts....life is full of ups and downs.....but whats the ratio....

i dun have the strength to carry on anymore.....

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

thanks....for everything...you once gave me......and for holding my hands when i am lost...and warming my heart when i need tt gentleness and love.......however...everything has to come to a close nw.....the ridiculous me.......

mystery unleashed

well well..couldnt slp last night though i was sick...down with fever, sore throat and flu. the medicine has no drowsy effect at all. stayed up till about 4 in the morning. had a good talk with matt and managed to discover come of the secrets and mysteries way back in sec sch. my reaction was both shocked and relieved...of coz...i cannot reveal the topic here...haha...

i guess matt should have the same kinda feeling towards the topic as well...i guess both of us felt relieved after finding out so much tt were kept from us in the past...but well i guess...it's just the way things shd turn out huh....though it may not have worked towards the way we wanted...but things will work out in another way which is the least expected from us...right?

well....it's onli the first week of the month...and i fell sick...gosh....down with fever and flu....used tissue paper until my nose is peeling!!! gross....stupid medical fee cost me $44 man...damn...freaking ex but no choice...all clinics closed...gotta visit the 24hrs clinic...though can claim...but the stupid company allow us to clain $250 onli la!!!!stingy pigs....but wanna leave the com soon...cant stand it...getting more and more political...and system getting messier...shall not complain anymore...it's never ending...

hahaha...happy day....played mahjong today...first round...played with sis,bro-in-law and auntie....won $18...though nt alot la...but come on man..play 10cents 20cents only la...kekekek...the lousiest player won? second round....my mum replaced auntie....i won 2bucks...so total for today....20bucks...kekeke...kelong man....dunno hw i play today also....my bro-in-law lost the most...coz he won my fren's money too many times....it's a revenge...hahah...

anyway....glad tt i am able to spend so much time with my family nw...all thanks to mahjong...and indeed....we grew closer....the onli left is my dad....dunno what to do to get him more involved...it's difficult la....shrugz.....

alright...nth much to blog abt....wanna wish my mum,jimmy,matthew and hisam a happy birthday~!!!!! upcoming will be katty and myself~!! haha old liao....*faintz*

gong xi gong xi

it's the 7th day of lunar new yr and just in case you guys do not know...it's everyone's bday...it's Ren Ri..ren = human ri = day...so happy bday everyone~!! time flies and half of the CNY has past...hw's everyone's collection of ang baos?mine isnt tt fantastic...coz i guess...i'm a grown up and ppl start to get a little stingy...or maybe...it's the same amt of money every yr but to us...but it seems lesser coz we are older...shrugz...

hmm..will be having a gathering over at my plc tmr 5th Feb 2006..will be meeting caline in the morning to buy the food for our steamboat dinner...and of coz Lao yu Sheng~!! Caline and some of the usual guys will be coming over to have a game of mahjong...will of coz drag my sis into the game....and is my own sis going to win my money again...we shall see la....

tmr's dinner will involve my frens and family as well..guess my uncle and auntie will be here too...it'll be fun to lao yu sheng together to ask for lucky and prosperity....i guess i realli need sm luck...

well...here's wishing everyone a happy new yr and may good health and fortune come your way this new yr!!! Gong Xi Fa Cai~!!

happy new yr!!!

happi new yr everyone!! it's a brand new yr with lotsa challenges ahead for us..it is the time again to evaluate what had happened last yr so that u can prevent those bad stuff from happening again..

what a new yr...got sick...and coughing and coughing...i think it's hinting mi...tt i shd quit smoking...yeah...i think i shd realli try.....my cough is realli killing me...went MOS with caline last night..reached there at 8pm but the queue is already freaking long!!queued for like 2 long hrs and we moved onli like a metre...and it's nt becoz the queue moved...it's becoz many ppl in front of us gave up queueing!! haha...then we saw cal's fren jiawei..he cut queue...1hr plus later...cal's frens came..chris and co....lucky they have frens queueing right in front...and we managed to cut queue and managed to get jiawei in as well..but sorri to his frens...too late....we went in without them...keke...the stupid entrance fee is $30 with a drink...finally stepped into MOS after hearing so much....indeed...the plc is diff from other clubs in Singapore..they divided diff sections with diff genres of music...of coz...we went to the one with RnB la...haha...danced a bit at the dance floor...and managed to get drinks or cal..and found an empty table...hw lucky we are...sat down awhile....and danced a bit...and...started to count down!! haha...the whole plc was insane...everyone was just so excited....but damn....started feeling nauseous soon after....dunno why...pulled cal to the toilet and started to vomit...in fact vomiting onli gastric juices...my dinner had alrdy digested after like....more than 5 hrs? gosh...onli took a sip of the vodka lime but god....the effect...but then again...cant be...i think i am sick...tts why...sigh...altog...i puked like 3 times!!! yes....and caline was feeling all goggy...or in hokkien...SEH....i was the one who needed toilet wanting to puke and yet i had to take care of her making sure she's walking str....haha..cute...but after the third puke...i was perfectly well again and..i can dance again..one thing abt tt plc is..i dunno why..it's kinda stuffy..not very well ventilated...felt sick again after awhile...din even smoke the whole freaking night...anyway...decided to leave at like...2...left the plc and were lking for 7-11 to get myself mineral water....thirsting to death..and my legs were literally breaking!! cal and i decided to walk bare footed...haha..heck la...nobody bothers...but it's so much more comfortable!! gosh....poor jiawei gotta bear with our nonsense...it seems to take yrs to reach 7-11...when we finally reached...i got myself water...and we sat by the road just in front of novotel hotel...and started taking pics of ourselves...haha..insane pics!! like digging our noses...taking off shoes and taking our foot...god...jiawei was realli working so hard during the pic taking...but he seems to enjoy it alot...esp the nose digging pic huh...hahah...funny...wasted alot of time there...but enjoyed it...though onli 3 of us...but yeah..memorable...as we decided to leave...we noticed alot of ppl are waiting for cab...and all the hotlines are engaged!!!! we had to take 162M to go jiawei's hse to get his dad's van just to go hm..haha...wat to do...i think if we waited there..i would have to take train hm instead...anyway...managed to eat a quick supper before heading hm...was totally FAMISHED!!! ate at geylang...you tiao da wang...ate tou hua and you tiao and shared shao bing with red bean with cal..hmm..sumptous supper..and finally...headed hm....

this new yr...i promise to treat my bestie even better....she's the one...who took care of mi and walked thru many ups and downs with mi....and of coz.....all of my other buddies....to all of you out there...happi new yr...love all of u~!!

merry christmas!!

just a very short blog tonight...coz gotta slp soon...wking tmr at 8am~!! sucky huh...it's a public hol and i'm wking!!

anyway...christmas is over...went to church today with matt...can realli feel the christmas joy as we sang the christmas carols..the carols simply touched my heart and i can feel the warmth and the love God has given me...right...i noe i am getting a lil religious here but..yeah..wanna thank God for everything i have right nw...and i pray tt everything is well for everyone ard me as well..

Merry Christmas!!!!

love all of you~

xmas is near

we wish you a merry christmas...lala....christmas...the festive season to care and share..caring for yr family and frens...sharing whatever u have with those who dun...it's my fav season and festive of the yr...it gives me a very peaceful feeling...a day when i lk forward to every yr...

17th dec...had a bbq with all my frens to celebrate xmas earlier...wel..guess everyone will have their dates on xmas eve and xmas day...had fun...fun as in...it's been long since a grp of us do things tog..like cooking...drinking...cleaning up even...haha..played games like we wanna turn back time and be like those kids...trouble free...no heartaches...haha... still rem the game we played... she mo??! huh?! hahahah

been feeling down recently...heart feels very heavy and it's aching until today..it is a time...which i hate the most...never wanna go thru it again...but it will always happen...when will this heartache of mine go away...wat do i realli wan...and what can i do to make it fade?i'm a confused woman...lost and cold...seeking comfort and warmth whenever i can...

and i thank those...who gave mi that.....thank you for the time....and the love....the comfort..the warmth...the laughter..the joy...and the peace....which you ppl gave me....when i am lost and cold....and i thank God...for making this day for me...and for bringing these ppl into my life......i love all of you...really..

know abt mi

hey ppls...gotta noe this cool webby from my colleague...to check out your horoscopes..not tt i am superstitious but...yeah...it's realli very accurate!! take a look at the webby and check out my result..a chance to noe mi more~!

Sun in Aries:She has a strong personality and an entrepreneurial spirit. She is ambitious and self-willed, stubborn, obstinate and tenacious.

Weaknesses: nervousness, impulsiveness, wastefulness, provoking nature, restlessness and changeability.

Ascendant in Cancer: She will certainly have a large family. Indeed, family life, the home, the children will be very important for her.

god....large family??? though i am born in the yr of the pig but doesnt mean i wan a big family ok!!!! think wat.... sow ah!?!?! kao...insane...go try it out guys..and see if it's accuratefor you ppl

www.interactive.0800-horoscope.com -->> click on birth chart and start knowing yrself even more...

going bonkers

wow...it's a saturday today and hey! i'm wide awake nw!guess wat..i'm supposed to be wking today...at 8am...but gosh i overslept..maybe i am too tired after yesterday night's 'outing' at excape theme park...sheesh...i'm such a coward and yet i went to play those rides...like mini viking...the flume ride( the ride which you will slide down and water will splash?)haha..gawd...i sat tt with karen(colleague) and we tot that it was over after the first mini slide...the 'boat' flowed realli slowly towards the gate of the HUMONGOUS slide!! we werent even prepared for it!!!! we started to scream and laughed hysterically right after the boat started to go up! hahah...and yeah..u can imagine us once the boat reached the peak and DOWN it slided!!! i screamed like i was raped or smthing? gawd....we were really drenched!! i was wearing jeans...had to walk ard in heavy jeans..yeah...as usual...my 'sugar daddy' carlo laughed at mi like hell...wat to do.....it was realli HIGH wat....keke...hmm..too bad couldnt stay over at our chalet last night...coz gotta work today..but.....yeah......i'm at hm in the end....

will be having a bbq later at the chalet with my colleagues and will be staying over tonight...hmm..still thinking of wat we can do after the bbq..explore haunted plcs like what teenagers will do? hahah...but we are old!!! lame....but stil...i'll be scared...hahah...coward i am...well...will updte soon again after the bbq..tt is if i remember though...hahah

influence

just so happen to read my fren's blog...kinda sad tt in life..you will actually have to stop and think of who are yr real frens..but tt's just life...there are always new ppl entering yr life...but there will be people who leave you as well...life's a cycle...tt nobody can escape or avoid..it just depends on hw u handle it..if you do it good...GOOD for you...otherwise...then too bad...but duh...life has to go on...you can whine abt it for wks and mths..but wth...you will get tired of it..people ard you gets sick of it too...frens....once u decided yr path in life....live and walk thru it happily..there's no point in regretting....never have the word Regret in your dictionary!!

frens in general...are ppl who spend time with you doing nonsensical things...there's actually no need to grp or classify frens into diff categories...coz...u will never noe what each and every one of your frens can do for you...yeah true enuff that smtimes yr frens may act or behave in a childish way...or maybe...to you...they will only be there to have fun tog and run off when u are in trouble...tts nt true yeah..coz...in the first plc...did u even try to seek help from them? coz well..at least to me...my frens are always there for mi in times of happiness and of coz...when i am down....yes...it's the same grp of ppl....so why nt try to open up to them...then...judge if they are truly worth yr frenship...

does anyone have this feeling b4...tt...u so dun wish to be pissed coz u noe tt there is no point in doing so becoz this isnt the first time anymore but eventually u still get pissed?cant blame u...coz..this kinda of feeling is totally uncontrollable...if u wanna get pissed there and then...den pls get pissed for all you wan...dun bottle yr emotions up and...in the end...become a time bomb and kill everyone ard you together....why sacrifice all yr frens or family or even strangers and acquintances?but the main point is...after getting pissed...you will know hw to cool off and tok things out with the culprit or to get some help from other sources to solve your problem...simple huh...but it does help...though it does nt guarantee tt it works...get the difference....

was tokking to one of my frens...via msn...suddenly we switched to a topic abt vampires...he hoped tt he will become one coz he will be able to live forever...and he will of coz bite the one he loves so that she can live with him forever...nw here...i have a different point of view..i will wanna die b4 my love...i cant imagine what my life will be without a partner or what life will be having to live alone....he said tt that is a selfish thought coz i never think of hw and the kinda of life the one i love will be living after i die..well...which human being isnt selfish...which human being are generous enuff to share the love with another party...get wat i am trying to say...it means tt...which r/s consist of 3 ppl?nw...this is getting out of point...i shall stop.....

human beings love it when they are given assurance...and they will tend to pin high hopes but in the end...disappointed....u cant blame the person who assured you in the first plc...they did nt say tt it's got 'money back guarantee' right...get wat i mean...dun pin high hopes...coz eventually the one who has to face the disappointments is u!!

the end...my eyes..are shutting......

life's a bitch

today is a thursday...finished work at 10pm..slogged like hell..nobody noes..got home...finally...sat down comfotably in front of the com..yes..again....got online...tot could find sm frens to relax and have a chat...saw matt...msged him and asked hw's his day....meiting msged mi.....tot there will be smthing nice to hear from her...but guess wat...it's yet another scandalous affair her superior has....just few wks ago...she told mi abt the affair our common fren's hubby has got....it's another one nw....

the kinda of feeling in mi is just so indescribale....it juz sounds so ridiculous when i'm getting to noe more n more abt such scandalous news...at first i tot tt my family is bad enuff..i mean the men yeah...but...it seems like it's the same for the world outside my life...

in a woman's life...it seems like we are juz born into this world to be slaves...why do i say tt? well look....we are born...u are lucky if yr father's family isnt those conservative type...u noe wat i mean...they prefer male heir..if u are a gal....tts it....they wun even wanna treat u as their grandchildren yeah...slowly...you grew...to be a girl...studystudystudy...parents comparing results...curfews...' gal ah...wat time alrdy??better come hm NW!'...guess alot of us gals experience tt yeah...pagers beeping non stop(well tt was when i was a sch gal)..mums screaming at the top of their voices like they wanna make the whole flat collaspe..nx stage....grew up to be teenagers...when well of coz...like many others..started to fall in love with teenage boys...tts when yr mum get even more freaky..i mean..they get freaked out easily if they find out u are attached!!lucky u if u manage to find a guy who is sweety oh sweet and your r/s last till marriage...but wtf....most of the time u have to experience getting ditched and the pain...omg.....cried non stop...gotta suffer with swollen eyes...and becoming the gossip of the mth in sch....well...wat the hell...

nx...u start to work....workworkworkwork...tts all we can do....getting stressed up and all..nobody to tok to...mum will just keep nagging at you for nth...i think it's just their hobby?it's also a time when u will start worrying when u can find a husband and get married...well...one fine day...u found the 'one'...at first u tot he will be...first stage u have to undergo is to meet yr mother in law who may be a witch!!!! lucky u if she isnt then...and then...happily married for a few yrs..have kids...u just tot tts life..the way it shd be.......gosh...one day...u found out smthing...smthing tt u tot will never happen to u or it'll juz happen in dramas...you found tt he has.......yes......another woman.....GOD DAMN IT!!! and if u are lucky enuff...he'll leave the woman and you will live happily ever after...but....wat if he chooses to be with tt bitch??? worse still...he'll choose to leave the kids too...gosh...wat on earth are u still doing here?shdnt u be in hell?

life...wat is it?torment?or gift from God?

trying to be a philosopher

kinda forgot i still have a blog until matt reminded me last night while chilling out at coffee club.so it's time to remind my frens tt i'm still ard...past two mths was a fulfilling one..went through alot of shit and of coz there are many things tt will leave as a memory in my life. my life was practically revolving ard my grp of close frens and of coz jo. bumming ard after work or over the wkends enjoying the free time i have other than just work where i feel like i'm a slave to this world. like wat weiliang said in his blog, office jobs are indeed mandane..the life to be exact. you only see these few ppl everyday, nth more to say to one another other than bitching abt other colleagues or tt the company is dumb. is this the kind of life i really want? now i'm thinking. finally started to think.the truth will be out smday....whenever tt will be...

smone new just entered my life...dunno if it is a gd thing or it's screwing up my life(perhaps i am the one screwing my own life). of coz there are times when i feel really wonderful and i cant feel anyone else ard me other than my precious one...i would want to give up everything just to carry on this r/s. but however, life always has it's downhill where once you lost control, you will fall and get hurt real bad...this is the time when u will be so weak to stand up strong again. without a helping hand, you will just sit on the ground,whining and cursing and get stuck there. God knows when you'll stand again. When we were just babies, we were able to stand up again after a fall while learning to walk. But why does life have to be this way 22yrs later?did we depend on our mothers bak then and now that we are facing this shit again we do not know where to get help from even though obviously wat you need to do is just to call out and there will be ppl rushing to provide you with the assistance you need and to shower you with the care and concern you need but we just dunno hw to call out anymore? is it becoz you feel ashamed to do tt or u dun trust the ppl ard you?

quarrels are unavoidable in every r/s.but at the end of the day,the most impt thing is whether you learn smthing through it. promises are meant to be kept but wat the hell, promises are broken everyday too. the proportion to the ones kept and to the ones broken are way too far apart, obviously i'm saying tt the ones broken are much more.why promise smone smthing for the sake of coaxing tt person and you dont mean it?wat do u get from it?the person who gets hurt real bad will be the one who was promised with smthing she/he can never see happening. human beings are funny creatures, we noe for sure that smtimes, smthings will never happen but when we are promised with smthing, we feel assured and comfortable, we will stop being paranoid.and when we realised that the promise had been broken, we will start whining and cursing but have we ever reprimanded ourselves as to why we actually fell for tt in the first place?i think we shd really start adopting the habit of being responsible for watever we had done.is it tt difficult?are promises really so hard to keep?

it's been 2mths since this r/s started, all i can remember is i'm just so happy whenever we spent time together but why does another party has to revolve in our lives and causing friction between the two of us?or am i the one who keeps rubbing things in?would anyone in this world wanna do tt for no reason..but well..at least nt for me...hw long can i tolerate the pressure i face and hw long can i continue to be paranoid and enjoying it at the same time?it's really a test for me....but fear is there...that i wont be able to stand up strong again.......should i just blame myself for all the stress i have to take?will there be help when i need it...?

new start

wOoo HoooO... guess what..this is the first time ever...that i've cut my hair real short...yesh...it's short...went to cut it last sunday at toa payoh with my sis meiting...she had hers cut real short too..but then again..she always has short hair la..lol...we gotta get up much earlier in the morning now to style our hair...which is quite troublesome and hard to manage...well...a new reason for us to be late for work everyday nw..haha...

i'm on 2 days MC..yest and today...having bad cough..infected from meiting and ailin..the doc even gave mi an inhaler...i think he's afraid that i'll get asthma?hhehe...BUT...hahaha...went sentosa yest with meiting...for our tanning session!! but damn...we reached there onli at abt 3...lol..not much sun..but still a lil tanned la...we were posing like mad gals on the beach to have our pics taken...hahaha...damn hilarious...after tanning...we were to have our dinner at the hawker centre at the interchange...lol...ate like gluttons...had one bowl of lor mee each and shared a big plate of indian rojak...haha...it's juz right for us..we can realli eat...

we made our way to suntec city after dinner...shopped a lil...and decided to meet jo and ling for dessert at nydc...yeah...after a heavy meal...we're still having dessert k...met them at nydc...shared cookie monster mudpie with meiting..super heavenly...feel like having it again...haha....no doubts tat i'm a glutton..hmm..felt a little weird as ling was showing a lil attitude to jo la...but then again...nah...enjoying my dessert..cant realli be bothered abt it...

next...we met ailin aft dessert and went starbucks for drinks....no more food this time...ailin wanted to have cakes...lol..intro her my fav...warm choc cake...simply.......i dunno hw to describe it though...aft warming the cake..the choc in the centre of the cake will melt...omg....can u imagine the taste when the cake touches yr tongue?next...here comes justin...haha...guess what...he's interested in ailin wor..hahaha...i tried to create a chance for him la..but shit..he's so shy...i think he shd stop pretending...had purposely read out ailin's nbr out loud..hahah...i think he got it...chat a lil...took pics...and decided to go for fireworks show at esplanade with meiting and justin while ailin goes for a movie with her fren at PS...

reached esplanade amd shocked to see soooo many ppl there la! 12 midnight....BOM...lol...fireworks show started....all the ppl who were intially sitting down stood up...blocking our view....sobz....felt so short out of a sudden..lol..but manage to catch a glimpse of the show la...coz the fireworks shot higher into the sky...the sky was filled up with colourful sparks...and of coz...typical singaporeans wooed and wowed...haha...utterly disgusted coz their reactions were all so FAKE! hmm...it was actually quite a romantic sight....the night shd be spent with smone special..but then again..spending it with meiting and justin isnt all that bad...lol..it's just a whole diff feeling...fireworks lasted for like 10mins...went to get drinks from a nearby shop and sat down again for a drink and rotting session...we looked ard and saw the ugly side of singapore....litter everywhere...is sg not providing enuff rubbish bins or singaporeans just have no brains and cant be bothered to think if they are inconsiderate?realli a disgusting side....felt so ashamed for tourists who happened to be there..

well...tats it for the day...after rotting with both of them...head off for home...haha...justin...if you are readin this..i din sabo you ok....dun threaten mi ah! hahahaah

initial D..!!

hey hey...wow...went to catch initial D last night at balestier...as expected...it was great man! all the mod cars and drifting down and up hill through those really sharp bends...it was crazy! all the excitement i felt while watching it...wanted so much to be in one of the cars...hahah...and of coz..all the excitement is caused by none other than my fav artist...JAY ZHOU!!! hahahah...so cool!!! hmm..though i sound like a small girl now..but...what the hell....i dun care!!! highly recommended movie!now i'm just waiting for the dvd to be out soon~!! i'll be the first to grab one!!

went to catch the show with one of my frens edwin and his van craz forum frens....and..i can say they are a little crazy...crazy with modifying their vans...with splendid sound systems...but yest wasnt tat fantastic as onli 6 vans were out....heard from edwin 30 over vans were convoying last sat rounding ard Singapore....lol...what a sight it will be...cars are common...but vans...hmmm....wanna catch a glimpse when i haf the chance..hahah....

shall update on happening stuff soon...

it's time to update a little

GSS= great singapore sales!! wOoooO HooOo..totally broke becoz of it!! absolutely insane over it...but then again...i admit...women are crazy shoppers!! the streets in town are occupied with shoppers...nearly thought it is christmas already~

bought stuff like a new pair of levi's jeans...a top from future state...hmm...a new pair of shoes...haha...tats all la...hmm...doesnt sound insane enuff right...orh yeah!! bought a stila eyeliner cum eye shadow as well...hehe...can still remember the 'gay' working there at the counter....he drew my eyes for mi..hands so smooth...but he has BAD..pungent breath...nearly blacked out because of it....haha..tats totally exegerrating....but i really think he shd do smthing about it...he'll scare away many customers...

met up with the ever so delicious babe caline....hahah...hmm..she bought a nice pair of earrings and a pearl necklace for me...thankz babe....gonna use it very soon...but come to think of it...we can really walk huh...from taka to centrepoint to ck tang and then to PS...wow...tats alot of walking indeed....hmm..once again..i posed a super act cute pic for yr hp....and sad to know..i look better in act cute pics than normal ones...but then again..not many ppl can act cute until so cute la...hahaha...madness....

well...nice catching up last night....but...i'm always looking forward to the next chill out session with you...we'll go indo chine for a drink yeah......

argh....sunday again............which means...tmr is monday........blueblueblue

love...

谁爱谁 谁又流干了眼泪
谁后悔 难分难舍太伤悲
他爱谁 谁应该止住眼泪
她心碎 谁又该干脆离开
谁爱谁 谁又能反反复覆
谁后悔 谁在忍受着孤独
谁了解 他退出 她孤独
爱得太盲目

dunno why i quoted this but it does seem meaningful to me at least...yeah love is blind...no matter wat kind of person you had fallen for...he/she will always leave the best memories in your life..though smtimes things/sparks may not start off between the two of you..if you had tried your best...it's the best thing that could ever have happened...no matter who he/she loves..at least you had appear and entered into their lives before...

one party always have to suffer in a r/s...one party has to sacrifice...no matter who the person is...it doesnt matter..as long as the ending is a happy one...it's all worth while...

hmm..it's time to make myself believe in wat i had just typed......

WOW!!!

hey ppl...wow..if not for weiliang..i would have forgotten that this blog still exists!! it's been ages man!! kekeke...but the very first thing i wanna write abt is.......i vomitted 5 times yesterday night...yes 5 times...in a row...after eating pizza hut at tamp mall for dinner!! omg....feel so sucky!! and grossed out!! make mi lost my appetite all the way until now!! yes...i'm having disgestive biscuits for dinner...

woOo hOoo...my skin colour is so nice now!! i simply love it...evenly tanned!! spent my sunday afternoon at sentosa!! with the hot sun just above my head...feeling the massage with suntan lotion my fren is giving mi on my back....and the breeze brushing against my hair once in awhile...hearing the lamest jokes by two 'gays'...and having sex talk in the water...lol...it's realli smthing diff huh...will anyone else talk abt sex at the beach???hahahah

went shopping on monday...opps...took mc just to go shopping wor..kekekek....bought a pair of sneakers from adidas...and a pair sandals!!! all thx to those psycho kings and queen...waste money ah!!!! hmm..friday is goin to be the last shopping spree this mth..lol....broke!!

there are juz sooooo mnay things on my list now..keke...oh yeah...and having a hair cut on sat....it's becoming like a furball....hahaha...horrendous!!!hm....feel like cutting it short!!! any suggestions?haha

well well...tats all folks...short and sweet...kekek

everyone's leaving

super low...super affected...two fo my gd buddies are leaving...my fren coreen will be leaving for scotland to work...had know her abt one yr plus...though it's nt a long time..but we got realli close becoz we used to work together..been tru ups and downs..she was there for mi when there was nobody ard mi..when everything turned upside down...now tat she's leaving....i'm realli very sad..i haf no idea when i'll ever see her again...mentioning it juz makes my tears wanna fall..like now...another fren...ah heng...he's leaving too..goin bak to malaysia...super sian...argh
why like tat..one after another...no i mean...together!!!

cant realli take it...just thinking abt it makes mi real sad....i dunno hw long i'll haf to suffer this...suddenly felt so lonely..though i noe i still haf gd frens beside mi...but their decision to leave realli hurts my heart...i'll realli miss those times when we eat...club...watch movie...drink and chill together...damn it...uncontrollable tears rolling down soon....they are the people who were part of my life...now they are leaving...seems like a piece of my flesh wa torn away...yes..it's that painful to mi....i'm realli goin to miss them....alotalot...alot...............

11-8

hey..just wundering..if anyone is still reading my blog..coz i'm super slack now...lazy to type after whole day of typing at work..

well...worked 11-8 shift today..first shift of my one mth plus at work..SUPER boring la...coz i'm the onli one in my team to work this shift..everyone left at 5 and 6...sheesh..sux...took my time to reply those mails...cant be bothered..but luckily...i haf smone to acc mi tmr...nt so bad..though she's well k nown for been the blondie in my team..lolx...smtimes ask stupid questions..but cute la..

HEY!!! went airport to haf swensens juz now...i saw UTT!!!!!!!! wow...he's simply delicious man...felt like eating him up..omg...i juz dunno hw to describe him...tooooo...CUTE!!!wanted to haf a pic taken with him like those desperate fans..but i'm just too shy!! shit...regretting now..damn it...shd haf been a little thick skin huh...argh...a chance has flown away like tat...lolx..nah...enuff of my nonsense...

goin off...just cant find anything interesting to write any further...take care peepz..