understanding

does understanding means you cannot be disappointed?

does it mean that you cant be disappointed even though u totally understand the situation?

or both questions are the same?

cant someone be forgiven when she/he feels disappointed for smthing he/she was hoping will happen but in the end it didnt? but it doesnt mean he/she doesnt understand the situation right??

why do i always have to hope ppl will understand and accept my explanations? i am not the type who will explain if what i say is not valid. so can smone understand and try to accept what i had explained cuz i realli mean it? thr key word here is TRY. i wont force anyone to accept it but it certainly hurts when ppl dun.

i am dragging myself to work nowadays...work life isnt something i look forward to everyday now...the ppl...the attitudes..the friendliness...the atmosphere...the work...everything has changed. EVERYTHING. and what hurts and affects me most? people. normally no matter hw i dread working...things will change becuz of those ard mi..who i luv so much...but now..things had changed...into smthing i really dread....smthing i feel hopeless....something i am so tired of trying and whining about...contradicting..i am here whining now isnt it. i hate myself asking the same questions..why r u so cold why r u so far away nw? hate it.

when can i stop asking? maybe i shd stop thinking or fantasizing that things will be the same again. fasting mth is over..guess it isnt an excuse here anymore..guess it's the truth and i shd wake up and face the world.

pls slap me awake. and drag mi out of this cruel world of fantasy.

new love

my new love


shayne ward

anywayz, wanna wish all my darlings...selamat hari raya~!

october babies too - stella,sharon, gary,liz,zan and my beloved deary caline (miss you though i noe u wun see this) Happy birthday!!!!

gou gou finger

woo...visited Vivo City yest with sis, matt and jingrong..the places is indeed huge..love the roof top..nice view and nice concept...good for chilling out actually..the place was packed...though onli about 60% of the shops are open...had dinner at harbourfront foodcourt...in view of deepavali, we had nasi briyani for dinner..keke..and gosh..matt found an insect's head in his food...deep fried alrdy though... headed to town...wanted to have drinks at rouge but in the end dragged matt to KTV at cuppage! hahaha..poor guy...but majority wins la huh..accompanied matt to get his can of Kilkenny while i waited for shaf to pick mi...and of cuz...back to old days....pics taking!



went for class with sis today...hot yoga..got cheated..tot it's a one hr class..in the end...it's 90mins!! god...nearly died..the instructor pushed my leg all the way to my face! nearly shrieked!!in pain obviously....hope sis will join the club with mi..lose weight together!!!accompanied her back to her office for her to finish off her work..read my book while waiting and yawned a thousand time...totally lack of slp...crashed in the moment i got home...but cant slp properly cuz bro-in-law keep coming into my room to use my com! argh....sigh...no dinner...only soup..anyway...i'm kinda pampered la...dun eat cold food....sigh....if i am nt so picky then probably i wun be starving nw...sobz....help~

right....monday again tmr...totally makes mi sick! gotta work on tuesday..suddenly rem hw i always take mc during PH when i first joined the company...lol..stil rem hw meiting, stephen and wei kai alway play the devil's role...miss them..but it's different nw anyway...

had wanted to plan a surprise for caline...but smhow or rather....guess nt...she's alrdy planning with shaun...though i noe i can still do more..but the enthusiasm is different alrdy...sigh....

gtg.bye.

a blurred journey ahead

just realised today hw terrible my mandarin has become...unable to read properly...unable to even translate the simplest word to mandarin...totally screwed up the interview today i guess...hah...wat to do...havent been speaking mandarin lately..i mean..really full mandarin conversation..guess i gotta brush up abit...dun wish to lose the ability to speak my mother tongue..and wouldnt also want to be unable to teach my descendants their mother tongue...pardon me if u suddenly realised i post my blog in mandarin...haha..sigh...it's kinda the right job i want...to be indepedant...but i just gotta screw it up....wth...nw..i dunno what else to pursue further.....

puked my guts out last night...had KFC for lunch which got mi landed up with a upset stomach...had iced latte at night which made me sick..really sick and disgusted that i gotta forced myself to puke if nt i cant slp...i could practically see oil floating in my puke..hehe...gross huh...for the time being...at least a good 3mths...KFC will be out! totally banned on my lunch/dinner menu! the last time i had this terrible experience was when i ate fried rice at KCC(kampong chai chee at tamp telepark)..burped the whole freaking day..and guess what....burps taste of the fried rice...and ultimately...puked like at least 5times at work....and from then..i banned it for
1mth..ate the same thing again..and history repeats itself!! now...totally banned!!!

hmm...i am wundering..if let's say...you ahd actually warned or advised smone that you hate smthing..but he/she still do it on purpose as a joke...hw would u feel? would u remain calm? have u got the right to feel pissed abt it? gimme comments...tell mi it's nt wrong to be upset about it...but what matters most is..at the end of the day...u calm down...and can pretend nth happened...am i right or wrong? if i am...tell mi...perhaps i shd wake up my idea.

opps...i think i can sense smthing coming...sorry but i just want opinions and to learn from it. tts all...not opposing anyone...just a lesson for myself.

tmr's sat....hah....it's going to be just like last sat and last last sat. hm sweet hm. happily at hm.watching the haze and keeping track of the PSI.hw fun. bleahz.

pure coincidence?

just when i wanted to post smthing about this man...i saw him in marlia's blog...this drop dead gorgeous hunk...indescribable charm..... can u see his eyes....gosh....fainting......i would definitely wan a man like tt...hmm for ONS? hahahah....this man is lucky..free publicity


Mr Wentworth Miller

i'm thinking if it's just pure coincidence or smthing else mi and marlia have....many a times, we even said smthing which is totally the same, at the same time! it's kinda freaky and normally after tt, we'll just shut up and turn away...not just once...but soooo many times....hehe

i miss her...again...i'm misunderstood for my intentions..i did say i need time..but i have not done anything to push her away....guess what....without talking to anyone today, i did 37 emails..for those who dunno...37 is wayyyyyy beyond the target we need to hit at work...it's nt easy..but it is when you have noone to tok to....hope this'll be over soon..

and matthew chan wei jin...stop mocking at my typo! hmph~

choked

was resting at hm today..browsing thru my friends' friendster profiles and found out alot of unbelievable stuff...whats so unbelievable you may ask...the fact is the most impossible ppl are getting married! gosh..if i din see the wedding shots with my own eyes, i wud never have guessed they are getting married...even the most impossible fren of mine, KH!! gosh gosh..what can i say...(getting all stressed up here). is marriage the latest trend nw? or they have no choice? whatever it is...just wish them the best.n have a blissful marriage.

am so gonna kill KH cuz rcvd no news from him!! argh!

.....so wanna get married...sobz...lol...like i said...just for the wedding...the ring..the gown and the ang baos...hahahah..

back after 11yrs - smthing i've been waiting for

the phantom of the opera is here!! i've been waiting for it for soooooo long.... nearly tot they stopped their tour...so glad they havent!! gonna catch it!!! hope i wun be disappointed this time round...i die die must go...!!!!!!

shd i believe??

returned from work..suppose to be at class...not feeling gd...canx.

been feeling bad...esp after hearing a comment, ' eventually...they will choose their own race for frens..'

shd i believe? how nt to when things are happening...and how nt to when i alrdy have one vote from smone of the same...gosh...it isnt true right...tell mi it isnt.....tell mi i am just paranoid. i am i am i am ..or am i in denial...i am i am i am...

hate myself

i hate myself..hate my mum and dad for getting married and give birth to me..i hate having a mixture of their features..i hate myself for looking like tt..i wanna go for plastic surgery..i wanna look realli kind and gentle..i wan ppl to stop thinking i'm unapproachable..thinking i'm a fierce attitude problemed congested bitch!! i dun wanna anymore ppl to misunderstand me for giving a rude or farked up expression!!! i really dun mean anything..when i dun smile...i just look like tt.....pls forgive me...i have no evil intentions at all........i realli realli hate myself!!!

i'm sorry mum n dad....i dun mean it...but it's realli an agony having ppl esp close ones to misunderstand mi................................it really really hurt alot..........

'for joyce'

"For Joyce"

smthing really unique for me from milo peng...hmm...though i really dun get where u get the inspiration from.......lol..thanks dude!!!!

7oct06- finally

this marks the day when he had decided to tok to mi again.

yeah! *peace sign*

muackz

snortz

karen's wedding with the noisy evan and mad carlo


my all time fav from starlight cinema


heavy heavy make up..but nt clear la..

yellow me with lost n found lantern

nick n me

100th post

cant rem the reason which triggered into the creation of this blog. curiousity?nth better to do?deprived of having smone to whine? haha..shrugz..getting old..memory running out..

gosh...it's a saturday..i'm at home nw (749pm)...yes..strange huh...like i said in my previous post...they are all true...though there are ppl who did ask mi out...but..sorry...guess i have my reasons for nt wanting to leave the hse as well...u alrdy noe the reasons...ahh...confusing..

the haze is killing me...PSI126 as of 7pm...gosh...i nid an oxygen mask...or my piggy cloth mask which shaun got mi from taiwan can come into use soon? keke..it's retarded to use it la..though it's cute but i think it's toooo cute...hw i wish the psi will go higher as well...then the government shall announce that everyone MUST stay home...otherwise you'll be fined if u are found on the streets...

god..havent had a proper meal today...*shakes head*..deprived of food..craving for tori bento, mac, kfc, gelare's waffles,central's chicken wings and peanut butter and condensed milk toast and sooooo many other food....nono....must endure...high cholestrol...sigh.....gotta refrain from all these heavenly yet sinful delicacies...

the first saturday..i feel like working.......miss my chair though i have my bed...miss the com though i have my own...miss the toilet though mine's cleaner...

heard of a bad news....one of his babies got sick..tmr will be the appointment with vet...hope all is well.....praying tt my baby is well and always begging for more food....and of coz..for yr baby to get well soon..

deprived

hw come everybody seem to disappear when i most needed company?perhaps it's karma again..coz when they need mi...i'm always busy with this and that...sigh..it's just a clash of time..

it's saturday...guess i'm gonna be stuck at hm...staring at this bloody monitor...deprived of food..deprived of cigs..deprived of conversations..my mouth's gonna stink.

eating mooncake...for breakfast lunch and dinner.

deprived of lanterns yesterday..it was mid-autumn festival.. no fullmoon...

i have a new pig (frm marl)... she's princess white..the only thing to keep mi company..

will there be a miracle?