trying to be a philosopher

kinda forgot i still have a blog until matt reminded me last night while chilling out at coffee club.so it's time to remind my frens tt i'm still ard...past two mths was a fulfilling one..went through alot of shit and of coz there are many things tt will leave as a memory in my life. my life was practically revolving ard my grp of close frens and of coz jo. bumming ard after work or over the wkends enjoying the free time i have other than just work where i feel like i'm a slave to this world. like wat weiliang said in his blog, office jobs are indeed mandane..the life to be exact. you only see these few ppl everyday, nth more to say to one another other than bitching abt other colleagues or tt the company is dumb. is this the kind of life i really want? now i'm thinking. finally started to think.the truth will be out smday....whenever tt will be...

smone new just entered my life...dunno if it is a gd thing or it's screwing up my life(perhaps i am the one screwing my own life). of coz there are times when i feel really wonderful and i cant feel anyone else ard me other than my precious one...i would want to give up everything just to carry on this r/s. but however, life always has it's downhill where once you lost control, you will fall and get hurt real bad...this is the time when u will be so weak to stand up strong again. without a helping hand, you will just sit on the ground,whining and cursing and get stuck there. God knows when you'll stand again. When we were just babies, we were able to stand up again after a fall while learning to walk. But why does life have to be this way 22yrs later?did we depend on our mothers bak then and now that we are facing this shit again we do not know where to get help from even though obviously wat you need to do is just to call out and there will be ppl rushing to provide you with the assistance you need and to shower you with the care and concern you need but we just dunno hw to call out anymore? is it becoz you feel ashamed to do tt or u dun trust the ppl ard you?

quarrels are unavoidable in every r/s.but at the end of the day,the most impt thing is whether you learn smthing through it. promises are meant to be kept but wat the hell, promises are broken everyday too. the proportion to the ones kept and to the ones broken are way too far apart, obviously i'm saying tt the ones broken are much more.why promise smone smthing for the sake of coaxing tt person and you dont mean it?wat do u get from it?the person who gets hurt real bad will be the one who was promised with smthing she/he can never see happening. human beings are funny creatures, we noe for sure that smtimes, smthings will never happen but when we are promised with smthing, we feel assured and comfortable, we will stop being paranoid.and when we realised that the promise had been broken, we will start whining and cursing but have we ever reprimanded ourselves as to why we actually fell for tt in the first place?i think we shd really start adopting the habit of being responsible for watever we had done.is it tt difficult?are promises really so hard to keep?

it's been 2mths since this r/s started, all i can remember is i'm just so happy whenever we spent time together but why does another party has to revolve in our lives and causing friction between the two of us?or am i the one who keeps rubbing things in?would anyone in this world wanna do tt for no reason..but well..at least nt for me...hw long can i tolerate the pressure i face and hw long can i continue to be paranoid and enjoying it at the same time?it's really a test for me....but fear is there...that i wont be able to stand up strong again.......should i just blame myself for all the stress i have to take?will there be help when i need it...?