Ms Depression. My Best Friend.

Ms Depression seemed to be my best friend. i think i can only entrust my all in my bestie, she is Ms Depression. been with me more than 2 decades. who can ever replace her?noone can. only i can kick her out but i cant. she's too nice to me, always linger ard me and had never left. who else can be so loyal and sincere? no other men or women can out beat her. or is the truth not like that? Is it that i have never learnt to let go of her or she had been faithful to me all these while? i cannot differentiate.I cant or have never tried? Is it self-denial?i would say so.

how many times have i dropped the idea of typing all these senseless, illogical and melancholic topics? how many times have i failed, trying so hard?how many times have ppl say to me 'Joyce, this is not the way'? but it still happen repeatedly.it's not that i treat all yr words and concerns as a passing breeze. it's just that i dont have the energy to work towards it. i give up trying. yes whats new you may say. then sorry, just accept it.

totally feel like giving up today and just leave and go to a far far away land i've always dreamt of. but then again, it's utterly irrational.i think this is the first time i think so rationally.first time i am in the right state of mind.perhaps i had been before but i just didnt realise it or unwilling to see it. alright. boredom. stop this.

I've decided. not gonna get married. shall live the life i had wanted but deserted the idea in the past. get away from this place once i am able to. bring me away, send me away. i beg. (Joyce, you're a farking beggar!)