fatigue

what is fatigue? to me...it isnt just about having insufficient sleep..it's about feeling tired emotionally as well...life is like playing stocks, it goes up and down up and down..smtimes when u are just feeling 'up',smthing has to happen and it goes down again..though things may not be happening on yourself..u can well be affected badly by people around you..it's not that u do not want to share the burden with them..but smtimes it's just too heavy for you to bear.

it hurts to see smone..who is actually greatly affected but still trying hard to put on a smile..perhaps they just dun want to let their problems affect the overall mood..i mean...why let others suffer when you're clearing yr own shit?it's true..but it's inevitable for others who care for you to feel sad as well...what are the best ways to help them without letting them feel it's just a form of sympathy?smtimes i wish i have the strength to do all i can to see them happy.but does it mean what goes ard comes ard for this instance?nah..i dun believe in it...though u may wan to others to make u happy just like what u had done for them...they may nt be able to do it..or maybe they had tried but u cant see it..well..everyone does things differently and see life in different perspective..

life is a game..but as long as u know u had tried your best in everything u do..i think it's more than enuff..no matter what the outcome is...the sweet memories are everlasting...and come on...you never know what is the outcome if u never try...u WONT gain anything AT ALL if u dun put in the wee bit of effort..but well..if anything fails to go the way u expected or wanted...the most impt thing is u've done yr best and u wun feel bad abt it isnt it...what u need is support from ppl ard you...when u feel tired..u have yr frens to motivate you..and you will be able to go further..let's tok about r/s...it take two hands to clap...if u are lost, yr partner will hold yr hands and lead u back to where u belong..if u meet any problems which will affect the whole r/s...for eg marriage...well...it shd be done in a way where both parties work out smthing to make it WORK.in life...there is nth u cannot do to make it better...it all depends if u wanna do it or nt...if u keep feeling u cannot do it....perhaps u shd realli think about what u have done the whole life...and hw u have walked thru half of yr life...it cannot be just by luck u led yr life smoothly...smtimes..u did put in effort without realising it...so when it's time for you to think hw u shd make things work...u have to realise you can just be laid back anymore...think....if u wan it to work...it will...it all depends on you...yr heart..what u wan..........

for you,
from me

**this is just a general topic,nt aiming at anyone**

what a day...

mi and zan acting cute at chijmes

on the 24th of june, hmm..what did i do....met sis in town and shop ard...had dinner the spageddies and drinks after tt...rushed off to meet zan at city hall to watch soccer at chijmes..my oh my...and she's late like..erm...more than 30mins?hahaha...it's just her..but she already rushed so i dun blame her...headed down to chijmes and settle down at a bar..forgot the name though...poor thing..we gotta sit outside along the corridor coz everywhere's packed...oh well...ordered one pint of hoegaarden, as usual...face went red...zan ordered a cocktail called 'thailand meets china' haha...interesting..forgot what they mixed though...we watched the match btwn Germany n Sweden..gosh gosh..Germany surely didnt disappoint mi...and the best thing is...we were sitting where the sweden fans were sitting...lol..when we shouted goal...i can feel eyes staring at us...keke...too bad...no seats at the rest of the bars...no choice...GERMANY GERMANY GERMANY!!!!!!

game ended at about 1..finished up my drinks...and decided to walk down to clarke quay...romantic right...haha..just the two of us...walked ard and laughed like crazy gals..headed towards boat quay after tt...called jimmy and found out he's at his fren's pub in beach rd..both mi and zan decided to head down to the pub to catch the 2nd match argentina vs mexico..hmm..you noe why zan is ok with this decision? hahah..her parents are on holiday!! she has no curfews and calls rushing her hm...keke...so decided nt to let her feel tt her night is wasted...brought her to the pub...it's actually a KTV pub..where ppl sing chinese songs...haha...but they will show soccer at 3am when the pub is closed and only a few of us left...well..i suppose the sofa was too comfy and zan fell aslp..waking up during intervals to catch a glimpse of the match..i was losing the bet..sigh...argentina is disappointing..lucky i onli bet a small amt...i noe my limits..gosh..there's extra time for 30mins..and the match ended at 530am...yeah...hungry as usual...went to tamp to have mac breakfast...on the way there, zan n i decided to go cycling in the afternoon...and my dear fren jimmy suggested sentosa...i commented smthing like...'sentosa?3pm is too late..' and guess wat...he dared us to go sentosa right after breakfast..gosh..both of us gals were shocked...and we were like...'really??? sure nt??' and he was indeed...so we took up the challenge and agreed..swallowed the breakfast fast..went hm to wash up and pack, and there he was...fetched mi at 730am...omg...i sneaked out of the hse like a rat..dun wan my mum to think i reached hm at 645 and str after..i go out again...but she called mi in the end..lucky she was fine with it..hahaha...

so we headed to sentosa after fetching zan...it was like...POURING!! gosh...but we still went ahead..when we reached the carpark in sentosa, it was still drizzling..we decided to slp in the car for awhile for the rain to stop...i slept like pig...of coz..come on...din freaking slp the whole night!but my dear zan...can walk ard...and she worked on sat..which means she woke up since 6plus am on sat!! more than 24hrs lack of slp..and she's so hyper??maybe it's the lack of slp which caused tt..haha...even jimmy finds it amusing...finally the rain got lighter...we walked to the beach and found a shelter..placed my mat and settled down...and tt jimmy lied down and slept immediately..fantastic..he slp and slp and slp..while we gals entertain ourselves but gossiping and we walked from one end of the beach and back..lol..we went down to the water and acted like small gals..we held hands and jump when the wave comes in..hahaha..insane!! here's a pic of mi..when we played scissors paper stone and the winner gets to hit the back of the palm...well..just look at mine..dun think zan's soft..dun be deceived!!finally..jimmy is awake..coz both of us gals woke him up..he's been slping for far too long! when it's our turn to slp...he started his nonsense...he said 'the devil is nw awake..can u see my horns?' ahaha...oh no....he started kicking sand on us..fed up..we got up..and wanted to pour water on him..he ran..sigh..cant catch...he found a small bucket and filled up with sea water..chased mi....i gave up...just let him pour...lol..zan got it too...lol...we din wanna bathe..but nw..no choice..we ran to the beach...got wet...stupid boy pushed mi down..and i knocked my elbow and knee..pain la!!
poor zan...lol...since she's like half wet..i decided to gang up with jimmy and hahaha...got her WET!! kekeke..played like crazy kids...must be becuz of fatigue..went to bathe after tt...uncle shaf called...wanted to meet up..and nagged at us..coz we didnt ask him along..but hey..it was so last min!!uncle uncle...anywayz..zan forgot her towel..gotta share...and we headed back to the carpark after bathing..end of our day in sentosa.....took a bus hm at katong coz jimmy went off to meet his frens..we gals are tooooo...exhausted..cant even meet shaf..reached hm...and went to bed at 8!! lol...and slept like a pig..cant even hear my phone ring when uncle lawrence smsed mi..haha..sorry!

alright peepz...enjoy the pics..


serious driver


refraining from laughing too loudly


ew...wat the....


dun be decieved..it's nt sunset..it's sunrise...






tts my red hand.....all thanks to zan...muackz










reading at the beach?


manicured feet

burp~

my dear zan sweetie


bestie..miss her....

hehe...just ate my dinner...sinful one...macdonald's..mcspicy wuth the curly fried and green tea..anyway...gotta catch up abit...perhaps shd summarise what happened recently first yeah...

first of all..smthing weird is happening to my features...i m delevoping double eye lid!!! gosh..my left eye lid is pretty deep but right eye...coming soon...lol...dunno wassup...it's strange..after 23 yrs without double eye lids...i feel it's weird...actually dun realli like it....shrugz..i noe many chinese gals are dying for it...but what the hell...hmm..it developed after i used Stila's Eye liner...is it becoz of tt?? hahah...babes...you gals dun have to go for ops anymore...go to Stila counter in CK Tang ok!? hahaha..lame...

next on the list...my index and middle finger got caught in btwn the glass door at the main entrance of my office...i wanted to push the door and my colleague pull the other one...damn...was realli painful!!!two of my colleagues azreena and uncle lawrence gotta help mi rub one finger each...i teared...my two fingers went numb...even nw..i have problem typing with my left hand....realli not my day....when i was waiting for bus...rcvd his call...asking mi to wait for him and zan sweetie as they were at gym...went to walk ard while waiting...rcvd a call again and told to wait at new york pizza...'we'll reach in 5mins time' said him...BUT!!! i waited for than 15mins!! gosh..why...my zan sweetie had to take a shower...lol...zan zan...it's just you...hahah...sat at new york pizza for awhile b4 heading home...lol...uncle uncle...who in the world will wear bermudas to the gym??? hahahah..only you my dear...

anyway...managed to trash things out with him...both of us confessed our true feelings for each other...but the thing is...he keep insisting that i shd forget him...cried twice becuz of it...why..his reason being 'it's just me...i have my restrictions,u wont understand..nobody would..just take it as i'm a coward'...gosh...yeah...cannot accept this....what kinda of restrictions? married? or in actual fact u are attached? smtimes it's hard to understand why when two persons have smthing for each other...they just cant be together...sigh...u asked mi to be strong...i am growing 'stronger'...u shd noe what i am tokking about...stronger nt in terms of accepting that we cant be tog....stronger to make it work...glad i can see yr sincerity as well...small little gestures from you like calling mi nearly everyday after i finish work...smtimes i have the urge to call you...but dunno y...as usual...it's just mi...scared.....lol...funny me...all i can do is sms u...though smtimes i wanna hear yr voice...but i am still scared no matter hw much the urge is....what to do....coward too....zan..................sigh...i am pathetic right.......keke..miss you babe.........RIGHT...side track alrdy...

alright...cant type anymore...fingers hurting.....gtg......*poof*

cant make up my mind

shd i or shd i nt?shd i or shd i nt?shd i or shd i nt?why am i asking myself this question over and over again?do i clearly noe what it's gonna happen if it turns out negative? obviously i am not optimistic enough to think it'll be positive...ok guys...i'm taking any test yeah...it's just a decision to make..

though smhw i was quite confident that it'll be positive...why am i still here asking myself this question?fear is the word...pessimistic me...always...whats new?!though matt keep telling mi trytrytry...argh...try doesnt seem to be in my dictionary...i think it's not anymore...i guess...wat if it comes in a way where it's just making mi comfortable about it?what if it's definitely nt the way we think it is?even though it's smhw obvious but what if........

sigh..i know nuts about what i am talking about...game over...dun wanna think anymore.....but will continue to ask myself...what if...shd i or shd i not?what if...shd i or shd i not....what if.........