harlor harlor

harlor harlor!! anyone there?

anyway...taking the chance to wish Mr Shafie an advance HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! stay sexy yeah!!! hahahaha

wow..week after week..days after days..it's alrdy coming to Oct soon..went to chinatown with matt this afternoon to book for our trip..suddenly rem the last time we went to chinatown..it was during CNY...gosh we realised how fast time flies and it's coming to christmas in another 2mths plus!!! now..this means smthing else...i'm getting old!!!! omg..i'm going to be 25 soon!!!!! and the best thing is...my preferred age to get married, which is 27, is just another 2yrs plus!!! omg...it's gone..hope is dashed for sure...how am i supposed to find myself a husband within this short period of time??sobz..i dun wanna end up being eligible to purchase a flat!!! this means....i dun wanna remain single and unwanted even at the age of 35!!!! thinking about it just scares me..

*burp* damn..aint feeling well...dont know what the hell i ate today that caused me to feel sick and nauseous..everytime i burp, i can feel that my stomach is oily!! maybe too much chili in my Kolo Mee this afternoon...and i actually forced myself to puke just now...now i am feeling so much better.

finally booked for our trip to tioman...1st wish is to have the confirmation fromthe agency. 2nd wish is for monsoon to be delayed so the trip wont be cancelled if not i might just have to make do with Sentosa...and now..thats very idiotic...soooo...i'll just pray for the best......

and yeah...tuesday is mooncake festival..and i havent bought my mooncake yet!!!!!! ARGHHHH...gonna plan for an outing this coming sat to Chinese Garden...boys..if you guys happen to read this..try to make yrselves free ok...miss you boys....

ok..ending here..i think i'm going to disappear for another wk again...ciao...

yesterday once more

16th of September, the day i met you 3 yrs ago. It also almost a yr since i last spoke to you.i wonder if you remembered this day. I bet you do but it hurts. i do miss you but it has to be the past.

17th of september, the day i decided to be with you one yr ago. We'll always be the best of pals. You're well, the least i hoped for. I'm glad we still have this priceless friendship.

Mr AJ, i hope you wouldnt continue to think of the things you had been thinking abt. It's nothing and i hope you'll believe in it. Though on the outside things may not seem the way i assured you but it's the truth. Pls believe me. I'm dying inside. It's just you..all that i longed for. But it's going in the wrong direction, can i turn it the right way?

i hope life will now change for me. I've decided to attend church regularly with matt. God is slowly showing me the peace i need and blessing me with the patience. I hope i'll be able to lead a better life nw. i pray.

a msg for you ppl regardless of religion.always pray for the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; courage to change the things we can; and wisdom to know the difference and that we will be able to accept hardships as the pathway to peace.

* the font is in yr fav colour Mr AJ.

wrong!

this is toally insane and utterly wrong!!!!!! i know it but i cant stop it!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the hell is wrong with me!!!!!!???

a msg for milo - no waiting game is unworthy. you'll get the ultimate results you always hoped for if u believe in it.

a msg for myself - gosh, you are actually advising smone when u yrself had gone hopeless.

a msg for you who's talking to me - oh shut up!

crap!

forgiveness

milo asked mi this question. is it really very easy to forgive smone i like/love if he had done smthing to hurt me by just seeking forgiveness and atone to his mistake but doing smthing to touch my heart. i replied yes. for me..the infatuation will remain for life even if the person is no longer within yr reach or sight which explains why you can forgive that easily.

past few days had been slightly insane. cant divulge much info but apparently..hp's been ringing at least 10 times a day excluding smses. and its from the same person. i dunno wat to say anymore..but i do not want to misterpret his actions as well. though i hope it's from another person, i noe it's highly impossible. shant talk abt it. it's complicated.

sat- went caline's hse for mini gathering. had hightea, lots of cakes, muffins and bread. had a game of monopoly. went to catch a soccer match with matt lionel and melvin. boring man u match though but lucky they won. fell aslp during the 15mins half time break.

sun-boring sun, woke up only at 1plus. surfed net then went to see cars with sis. finally made up her mind!!! got a honda airwave. nice car. the car dealer actually added many freebies..good deal!!! i wanna drive it soon!!!!!hahahaha some pics to share here~

MU become UM..

spongebob monopoly and the gang

three duhring man who lost their way and the delicious confectionaries!

you are one rich man!

if you can get a dollar for every single bullshit that comes out your mouth, you would be the world's richest man - this line is courtesy of milo, helping to replace a huge chunk of words i had typed prior to this but i guess after much persuasion and thinking, i shouldnt stoop so low and use such unclassy words. so this is for you, Mr Richie aka Mr Wealthy aka Mr Horny..(opps)!

i really really hope and pray that the innocent and kind hearted victim will learn his lesson from this incident and really realise wat friendship is all abt. i'm nt trying to sow discord here but it's smthing noone can tolerate. it's too much and too extreme. enough advantage had been taken of you my friend. so pls...see for yrself..this world is cruel but dun let cruelty hit u!

oh no it's sunday again

25aug07: met shaun at 1130, headed down to matt's place to have our movie marathon. supposed to catch 5 movies but ended up only watching 3. and why so? because we were distracted by the temptation of mahjong. while waiting for milo and lionel to reach, we decided to play mj (without money) while watching The Zodiac. ok..the movie totally sucked our blood.not only it's slow and draggy, it's quite lame cuz the timeline dragged for like 20 yrs. it's a thriller actually, about murder cases. but the damn police took like 20yrs to nab him. ok nx, watched goal 2. my dear handsome Mr Santiago Munez in the show. so so so adorable!! he's really a heart throbbing hunk (to me). had dinner while watching it. ordered the 933 golden pillow (x2) chicken wings (x6) lasagna and a pizza but with shortage of drinks. haha. ended the marathon with The Pursuit of Happyness by Will Smith. it's a pre-arranged show by matt specially for mi to cry but it din work. lol. so there werent any tragedies for the marathon which i had requested. maybe it's the anti-climax comments the boys made when some of the scenes are sad which stopped mi from feeling sad.

nx, went to double o to meet up with my colleagues.brought matt along. they ordered 2 bottles of hennessy. as usual, drank alot. culprit ms lily, victim ms joyce. it was fun dancing and taking pics. however, the highlight of the night was, allan got drunk!!!!! omg omg omg!! it was the first time i see him like tt. gotta send him home to the door step and into his room with the help of melvin. and my hands got cramped for helping to hold the plastic bag the whole journey to his plc. poor guy. oh, forgot to mention poor me! i was drunk too!!! but still gotta force myself to be really alert and ensure he gets home. after sending him back..melvin gotta hold on to me to get a cab. ok. i got home safely. managed to change but without the removal of my make-up, i fell flat on the bed. woke up soon after and unsteadily went to grab my rubbish bin and puked!!! i puked like twice!!!!! argh! ok smthing gross to make u ppl puke. the puke waste is still in my rubbish bin cuz i dun dare to bring it out to throw! dun wan my mum to kill me! hahahahaha!!!!

here are some pics to share.

a drunk mr allan and the 20 tequila shots which killed us.

usual male harrassment and the hennessy which killed us as well

mahjong retards and mr golden pillow.

mr valent sebastian ang aik leong kiwi and me

mr dehnis ubana and i

welcome back!

i am back after disappearing for a few days which seemed like a decade long. miss my laptop and the sound of the keyboard. alright..wat have i been doing..

last fri, had dinner at centrepoint fish&co with bel, melvin, kiwi and kenny. miss the new york fish and chips..yummilicious!!!drooling with the mention of it. i'm a glutton! rcvd 5phone calls from Mr AJ.(not gay aj ok) and finally he had decided to join us after his gym. gosh, he's not only vain but fickle minded! headed to 97 with the rest for night out! ok..97 is a freaking cantopub! with a live band which plays canto/chinese songs! it's fine..until the techno music started playing. sigh..i hate techno actually but i just gotta go with the flow..make myself high by drowning myself with lotsa liquor.

well..many things happened. saw HIS new gal, and got blamed for nth by him. nvm. shant blow the matter up and be a kind soul. forgive and forget. but i still cant control my fingers though. I'M NT THE ONE WHO CALLED HER! still dare say i childish without finding the facts! look who's the one huh?! why will i bother about hw she looks? she's yr gf, not mine for god's sake! *smirkz* ok..enough ms fingers, spare his life!

ok..hmm..i can say i found out many many things abt Mr AJ. ok he's str! tts a great piece of news! and i came to understand his view of r/s. ok, as per bel's advice, it's virtually impossible for anything to happen. sigh..nvm..enjoy this feeling while i can. ok..ms lily is crazy as usual..kept pushing me and mr aj tog. though i noe her motive but nvm i just enjoy it.hahaha..ok..for the first time..i din puke after drinking.

sat...met up with bel and the two boys for ktv. hmm..had fun. met matt after tt for a movie. watched dead silence and yes it worked! i got terrified and h0rrified! ended up not having the courage to go home. well i have to, just tt i relied on my hp by talking to matt. and yes, he just had to makes things worse smtimes huh!

sun..finally bought my new hp K800I. though it's not a very new model but i love the cam! and it's all i look for and need. but till nw, mission not accomplished at all!!!! bloody joyce just cant be initiative and OPEN her GOD DAMN MOUTH!

a message for kiwi or in fact everyone else - like how you encouraged me when was down, things will get better and being sad is just a phase. get over smone who's unworthy and you'll find smone better. if he's not meant to be yrs, let him go. holding it back will just torment you more. rem, love smone whole heartedly and never regret. love someone sincerely and not because you ought to. be with someone because you want to and not need to.

Mr AJ, when will you be........?

i soooo knew it

see, i am so damn right! everything's fine and i dont feel irritated anymore esp when he's the first person i saw early in the morning. nice, asked carlos abt HIS sexual orientation. nice ans dude. DAMN! though it's not a concrete prrof but shit! more and more ppl feels tt way! omg omg. why is it always like tt? it just makes mi more determined to give up on everyone! now i understand why many ppl nowadays go for flings. no string attached. cuz there is just noone out there available to go on a long r/s! i cant say i am going to do the same but i cant say either that i wont. opps. *shrugz*

i'm having a pimple breakout! small little zits are popping on my forehead! i think it's my fringe that's causing my agony. gonna chop it off a little this sat. smtimes i have the urge to chop it off more just like ayr ago. but i have no guts! cuz it takes freaking long to have hair of this length which i have nw! *OUCHHH* ok..my itchy fingers just tried to squeeze a zit and it hurts. very nice. duhz.

right..gonna club this friday with my dearest colleagues again. sharon(deputy manager) is leaving.gonna have a good time with them, hoping i can get high and pop the question right in HIS face! but isabel is right..high possibilities that HE wont give an honest answer! or maybe he wouldnt even answer at all! how on earth can i get to know the truth?!?!?! it's strangling me! leaving me hanging up high on the cable car cables. but still i'm gonna try!

oh yes!! impt thing to update!! i totally fell deeply in love with victoria's secret!!omgomg..my shopping bag cost USD175 alrdy! but of cuz i gotta filter and choose my fav la...just a little worried abt the size. like wat isabel told me..US sizes are humongous! ok..shall try once and learn from experience. VS here i come!!!!!!!

Cranky!!!

Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!Cranky old man!

freaking cranky when you are sick huh!it's the first time i actually got irritated by you Mr A!! A for ASS!!!!!! but why do i have this feeling tt i will feel differently tmr or when he's back?damn. shdnt have msg u in the first place! wrong move joyce! *BANG*

once again, shitty monday! 6 MCs!! freaking hell. i shd learn their culture soon. MC on a freaking monday when there are the most calls!! and the rest of us have to suffer!! but who gives a damn about us? duhz.

Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!Cranky old woman!

and that's me.

欢喜与悲哀

很多人都跟我说过这句话，爱一个人不要100%负出，一定要挽留一点。应为负出并不代表会拥有所有的爱。你爱的人也不一会是爱你的人.

有很多时候，我会试着说服我自己，但往往失败。很多人应该已经厌倦我这个没有志气的性格吧？更何况我这个没有药救的牛脾气，一定让人很想打醒我吧！

其实我真的累了。每一天都要强面欢笑地面对人，到底有多少人可以像我这样，每天都在演自己的连续剧呢？到底有多少人可以像我这样，把戏演得这么好？根本没人会怀疑我。

我在这里想跟某某人说句话，既然你现在已有个对你这么照顾的人在你身旁，你不因该再想着别人了。你已早在一个星期之前做出了这样的一个选择，你就应该负责任。我一个人痛苦终比3 个人痛苦好对吗？谢谢你今天早上给我的简讯。虽然我不知道有多真，但欺骗自己让我舒服一点是好事。

ok, enuff of chinese. i'm dead tired just typing tt few sentences. it took me like an hour! poor frens of mine..all you fans out there probably wont understand much. sorry, i'm just so in the mood of typing in chinese.

alright..enough of sad stories. had a great time with isabel, kiwi and his new found love kenny the cutie.had never enjoyed myself like tt for a long time. though we merely walked ard vivo, it's more than enough for me. and went to jb this afternoon to get my fav dunkin donuts! contented with such small things.i dun need anything else.

my cutie labbit!

will life just be kind?

no intention to say life hasnt been kind to me. maybe not kind enough. though shd be thankful for all the wonderful friends i have and of course a loving family at home and work. but it's always never sufficient. we're all selfish. we think everything aint fair. many people always ask for more time. if only there's 30 hours in a day. but for me, 24 hours is just too much to bear. here i am, in an empty room on a friday night, typing away in a blog which doesnt reply or talk to me. a blog which doesnt know how i feel. ironically, the blog is smthing which i can relate most to. it doesnt argue with me, it'll just listen quietly.

i miss someone i shdnt. i will stop. takes time. no choice.

emotionally wrecked. when will this end? soon i hope.cuz aint gonna take it no more.

events: went to catch the fireworks for NDP 07 with sis. though ppl find tt it's kinda dumb to sit there for hours to wait for the fireworks but i find it all worthwhile. time spent with sis allows some time off from the wreck. feeling the breeze calms my senses. i dont need aromatherapy.lavender shit dont help. fireworks were brillant.i love fireworks.never fail to give me a very nice after feeling. i wan fireworks for my wedding if i ever gonna have one though. haha.

dream on bitch! - my other half started to scream at me!
haha. yeahyeah i will stop. at least i am dreaming of smthing positive and nice isnt it.
dont ask for too much asshole! - screamed the other.

then had dinner with sis and matt at subway. had my favfav tuna! smthing i can eat everyday without getting sick of. but there aint so subway near changi road. changi road is pathetic i can say.

noone's life is under my control. if ever anyone found someone new to rely on or to confide in, go ahead. just be happy. kiwi, be happy ok? i'll always be here, like hw u told me u will do the same.

it's only 843pm nw. time passes so slowly till i cant really hang on anymore. i nid a breather!! God pls help me.

Ms Depression. My Best Friend.

Ms Depression seemed to be my best friend. i think i can only entrust my all in my bestie, she is Ms Depression. been with me more than 2 decades. who can ever replace her?noone can. only i can kick her out but i cant. she's too nice to me, always linger ard me and had never left. who else can be so loyal and sincere? no other men or women can out beat her. or is the truth not like that? Is it that i have never learnt to let go of her or she had been faithful to me all these while? i cannot differentiate.I cant or have never tried? Is it self-denial?i would say so.

how many times have i dropped the idea of typing all these senseless, illogical and melancholic topics? how many times have i failed, trying so hard?how many times have ppl say to me 'Joyce, this is not the way'? but it still happen repeatedly.it's not that i treat all yr words and concerns as a passing breeze. it's just that i dont have the energy to work towards it. i give up trying. yes whats new you may say. then sorry, just accept it.

totally feel like giving up today and just leave and go to a far far away land i've always dreamt of. but then again, it's utterly irrational.i think this is the first time i think so rationally.first time i am in the right state of mind.perhaps i had been before but i just didnt realise it or unwilling to see it. alright. boredom. stop this.

I've decided. not gonna get married. shall live the life i had wanted but deserted the idea in the past. get away from this place once i am able to. bring me away, send me away. i beg. (Joyce, you're a farking beggar!)

exorbitant

excessive ego brings one nowhere.the ability to admit one's wrong seemed to be the hardest task in life.for men and women. at least i have the integrity to include women and not categorise or stereotype only men. but let me point out that the percentage of men is way higher.i'm not a feminist because i love men but i do stand up strongly for women.

emotions. i weep to vent my frustrations. i weep when i am happy. i weep when i am devastated. i weep when i miss something or someone. but i never never weep because of regrets. in fact, one should never ever have that word in their dictionaries when it comes to big and important decisions in life. we can regret not having that slice of cake in the display at nydc and end up craving for it day and night. we can regret not saying hi to that cute guy or gal because you may just meet another cutie down the street. but never regret when it comes to having to sacrifice yr future and happiness over some worthless junk.

worthless; something without a price or value. it may be referred to someone as well.
junk; an object. (in my own dictionary) a man.

enough of theories. back to reality.

for yr info my dearest, i havent regretted on my decisions if you can see the above theory. and i'm more than happy that i saw yr true colours and all the lies you said to me. i cant believe someone can actually twist their words so rapidly that i was churned my brain, got it upset and caused me to lose sleep and weep. all due to frustration i repeat.

had a great lunch, though food sucks to the core, with great ppl. to be precise, only one, the other was good. the goodie was there for me after work, had a drink and talked things out. no defence, no protection. the bestie, always so far away from me. i wish he can be nearer. i wish.

great thanks and appreciation to my dearest kiwi. gave me a surprise by turning up at eunos to look for me after work to make sure i'm 'oh so fine'. yes i am dear, with you great ppl. no junk can pollute me. love ya.

nonchalant

decisions were made and made known. hard evident of nonchalant attitude and behaviour proved there isnt much to hold back. many truths heard. many facts seen and felt. it just goes to show there is nth left to be said. though it true smwhat or rather that one should not expect anything dramatic from the other to prove anything cuz it may all be pretends and it will all be over in a split second without anyone realising it. and when it's over, can we once again say it's due to nonchalant mannerisms again?

many factors could have led to many things which happened. but it is worthless to look back and ponder abt wat caused them and how to salvage them. many a times, it's supposed to be putting in extra energy and efforts to brighten things up and make the whole scenerio less vexing.it's smhow infuriating to know the truth and seeing the true real colours of one. though it's hard to swallow, it's better to get choked for once and learn to puke it out rather than getting choked and just sitting there without any actions like digging yr throat or rushing to the 'hospital'.

you dont know me just like i do not know you. many more ppl know me inside out by just a snap on the fingers but why then is it so exasperating for some?i wonder hard but can never find an agreement for it. so shall stop allowing my braincells to counter attack one another before it all die.

back to work. tedious indeed. answered a good load of 80calls which was double the norm.4 men down and the rest of us worked like whore.gonna need a damn good break to calm my senses.boys, pls get smthing done abt the hols, pls. i beg. thou shall be greatly appreciated and thanked for. help my poor soul.lost in the darkness of doom.pull me out from there and show me the light!

*i nid a brown and black pair of shoes and many flat bohemian sandals.gonna change my wardrobe to bohemian. let's hawaii!!!

Memorial of Iron Chef part I

the two teams. the sisters and the gays. (opps boys i mean)

dun mess with mi!



the work pieces.

happy birthday bro~

Iron Chef

had Iron Chef competition over at my plc on saturday, organised by our dear milopeng. We were split into 2 teams..so coincidentally i was grouped with sis and bro (but he was kicked out as he's too lazy) and milo with matt. the theme of the competition was EGG. yes apparently milo told sis tt as long as the ingredients consist of eggs it's fine..but later we were penalised for not showing off the eggs. ok..back to the topic..sis and i cooked cereal prawns with eggs and wantons. actually come and think of it, for us to be able to cook smthing edible is very good. so u ppl dun criticise the taste ok!!! keep saying it's tasteless but will be good with more salt..we just dun wan you ppl to get kidney problems ok. matt and milo cooked pasta, smting which can never go wrong cuz it's just by using the bottled paste sauce wat!!! but anyway...ultimately, the final Iron Chef's title goes to Milo and his kitchen helper Matt. The losers (tt's me and sis) gotta wash up the dishes..but the boys were kind enuff to help (i must add i threatened matt with frenship) hahahahaha..opps...btw..must give credits to my mum, bro, caline and jason for being the judges.

ok..nx up, cake cutting ceremony. dun be mistaken, it's not a celebration for the Iron Chef winners. It's my bro's bday today!!! so i bought him a cake. as usual, sang bday song and pics taking. and ended with a self-voluntary cake smash. I repeat, it's SELF-VOLUNTARY! the boys, sis and caline had a game of poker and losers were milo and matt who went bankrupt twice! oh well, promised never to disclose the forfeit..okok..boys..i only rem it as option A. a point to add, the stunt was quite disturbing.

Caught a movie at tamp mall. watched Alone. ok, the plot is sick la..about siamese twin sisters who one killed the other becuz of a man. okok..it's not scary...but it's shocking..the scenes seem to go silent before the shock comes into play. it's hilarious to see milo covering his face the whole time and sis closing her eyes and looking down pretending to be strong but shook when the shock came..matt was the most saint among us but he did try to cover his face with one hand. perhaps just trying to make it less obvious.

ended the day soon after i got home..lack of slp and whole body aching due to yoga, and yes i kept my promise. i went for class on fri! hahaha. it was refreshing though. my consultant was changed and this fellow kept saying i am lazy..well i noe i am but u dun have to say it la! gonna complain to his manager one day if he continues. his name is weixiang. typing it here is to help me rem his name esp when complains come.hahahaha

tata..adios~

i'm such a whiner

"i feel like brushing my teeth!" "i feel like brushing my teeth!" "i WANNA brush my teeth!!!"

this is all i could whine about the whole day at work since yesterday. for those who knows me well enough..i have this ultra weird habit. hmm, i wouldnt call it a habit cuz it doesnt happen tt so often, perhaps it's just a small problem. This is what it is..I will feel like brushing my teeth out of the blues. Anywhere, anytime. And if i dun get the chance to do it..there's goes the whining alarm, which will go on and on and on. Poor colleague of mine, Mr Carlos gotta endure with my crap cuz everytime i end a call, i'll call his name and comment : "Carlos, i wanna brush my teeth!" hahaha crap. To the extend, i even asked everyone who walked past me if they have a toothbrush, but of cuz, a brand new one. (opps, now tt i am reminded, i'll pack my brushing set in my bag before i forget if not i gotta whine all over again.) Well, it's to prevent soft toys from flying to my face from the opposite seat. and of cuz, Mr Culprit is Mr Carlos Calalec( i love filippino's names). Smith De Vera, Allan Roel Jabines etc. Nice huh..ok i'll go marry a Filippino! hahahahah... Mrs Joyce De Vera, Mrs Joyce Jabines..niceeee...hahahah..mad.

ok..Mr Kiwi got admitted last night. rushed to hospital at Alexandra! had to even call cab! gosh..why cant he be admitted to CGH instead. anyway, he's fine now. Everytime i step into the hospital, i'll have this very odd and uncomfortable feeling. I hate hospitals! and looking at the packets of drips doesnt make mi feel any better. Will always be reminded of that unfortunate admission to the hospital. the pain and agony and more pain having to be warded in a C class surgical ward!! nvm..let's not talk about it.

finally it's thursday tmr..smthing to look forward to as Friday will be near!! Gonna put in effort to go to the gym on friday. paying every mth and letting the mbrship go to waste isnt tt smart. shall make it a more frequent programme in my schedule. at least twice a wk. tues and fridays. hmm..nice. at least going for a run isnt tt bad huh.

Ms Wee, Ms Wee..eyes always wandering ard in the same direction in the office (oh well, nowhere else to look). but it's nice anyway. sigh..when will the truth be out? how am i suppose to find out? we shall see.

been having lunch with the same group of colleagues at the same plc. enjoys their company as laughter never ends. even if i am the only gal ard (like always even in my group of frens), i never felt left out. love the ppl but hate the job. stay on and perseverance shall be the new word in all aspects of life. I know wat i mean and matt knows it too right. hahah..
fight fight fight!!!!!

he was fine the day before but not the next day.

i hate you

i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you I HATE YOU!!!!

not again

confusion strikes yet again. over what and consequences.

1) guaranteed over non-guaranteed happiness.
2)risk adverse or go all out?
3)90% risk of embarrassment after going all out.
4)guaranteed downright rejection?
5)non guaranteed acceptance?
6)named a slut?
7)be called bitch?
8)object shunning away?
9)guaranteed regret if not trying
10)guaranteed disability of accepting the truth

ok enuff.

whiskey with tequila isnt nice. one more thing to add..i cant stand ppl who do not have the responsibility of informing others of their attendance. fullstop.

so shd i or shd i not? shd i not or shd i? argh..irritating.

it's better

it's better not to know anything than having to hear and listen to stuff you never in your life wanna know about or listen to but it's inevitable and unavoidable that smhow,smway you'll get to listen about it or know about it. and having been told to keep quiet and not probe about it when it's so tough to hide it and shut the fuck up makes it more difficult to just forget about it and not remember it.and everytime when it comes right in yr face, it's so hard not to be reminded about it and it all comes back to you again - having to pretend you dunno abt it and try hard not to talk about it.

so how? to know and ask abt it or just listen and forget abt it?but what are the consequences of asking about it and the bad feeling which will stay with you forever if you dont ask about it?arghh..tough decision to make and hope by the time a decision comes into place, everything dies down and everything will be forgotten.

but the point is here, why shd i make myself forget abt it and not face it? i dunno why. perhaps i just feel responsible for the r/s betwn everyone. so i shd just keep quiet. period.