gosh..i am so tired

wundering why...i am getting more n more tired each and everyday...always gotta realli drag myself out of bed...feel old alrdy...and i am serious....wel...turning 23 soon....but still....nth achieved....

feel like i am hanging..nowhere...for my career...been waiting for a call from the stupid company for interview...but was out on hold due to some internal reshuffling before they can ask us to start...and at this point of time...my company offered me a new job scope...i was lost..realli lost...dunno what i wan suddenly....but in the end...i chose to give up on the job scope my company offered...i will persevere and look for a new life out there...it's time to move on i guess...

hmm..what have i been doing for the past few wks...i gues...nth....drinking n drinking n drinking...hahah...been an alcoholic i can say....or rather...tts the onli thing i can say...

26th March 2006 marks the day...10 years of frenship for mi and my bestie caline...bought ourselves a ring each....met at citylink...went to get ring at mintmark...opps...before tt...i managed to get her a stalk of sunflower...and she actually got mi brownie...legendary famous brownie from SMU...but...well...it's realli nice...we proceeded to marina square for a drink...and shared the brownie together..took pics together (whats new)...nx...we took a slow walk from marina to club street (near far east square) to find a nice restaurant for our dinner...gosh...it was a long walk...both of us were wearing heels...cant think back hw we managed to survive...finally settled down at a rest called Mosaic...they serve jap, european and brazilian cuisine...brazilian cuisine consists of a buffet tt serves 7kinds of meat and some appetizer buffet la...we picked Baked Assorted Seafood...sounds nice huh....oh well...while waiting...the waiter surprised us with a plate of appetizers...mushrooms...tempura...well..and bread la...we ate slowly...thinking the servining of the main course will be huge......here comes the waiter again after awhile...both of us got a huge shock....the serving is............relatively.....SMALL man...just the size of a baby lobster...i think just 1 mth old....gosh...pathetic la...and a few pieces of small sotong fish clams on top of the lobster baby.....we laughed and laughed...coz didnt expect it to be like...fine dining....right....ate them up...less than 5 mins....hahaha...well...for us...of coz...we're still starving la!!!...pathetic...we finished up the left over slices of bread...we tot of ordering desert...but found out from the waiter tt the portion is quite small....we forgot abt the idea......give up....just about to ask for bill..the waiter waits towards our table and served us two plates of...i dunno what....brownish..gruey....stuff.....heard it was some pudding la....gosh...what a surprise....coz we din noe before hand abt this....yeah..it tasted nice though...haha...we even asked for extra servings of bread...hahaha...hahhaa....and we finished them up....funny dinner...after dinner...we walked back to raffles place...not knowing where to go...decided to walk down boat quay and finaly to clarke quay to have a drink at TCC....walked all the way....we really have the enrgy huh...sat down at TCC...talked about stupid stuff tt happened in school...like since 10yrs ago...stuff tt we dunno...it was nice...realli nice...realli enjoyed every moment with her...

on 20th of march 2006...received a stalk of lilies and a vase...well...a promise by smone...i was touched...very touched...dunno what else to say....just tt...shouldnt have wasted yr money la.... = ) muackz...

gotta end here.........ciao

ridiculous me

heart feels heavy...as if there is a tonne of gold buried into it...mood feels lousy...as if never felt happy before...woke up nt feeling good about everything...feels as if the world owes me...dragged myself to work...as if i have never felt this sick of work before...coughed alot today....as if this is the worst cough i had in my life....ate lunch today...felt as if it is my last lunch....came home after work today...entered into an empty house....as if nobody lives here anymore....

the kinda loneliness inside of me...brings me down...everything about me....went away....like it will never come back to me again....listening to sad songs...like things aint bad enuff for me to bear.....but it just soothes my heart as i think...thats the only way i can feel right nw...repeating the same old songs....like i had never heard them before....tried to sing the songs though had lost my voice...as if i can never sing again tmr...

灯光熄灭了音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了
人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了

the lights went off...the music's stopped...the tears tt flowed cannot be stopped...rain pours down..we are unhappy....my heart is really hurt...really painful.....

as i started to sing....tears flowed....it felt as if i can never stop it....but it also felt as if this is the last time....and i shd just cry it all out...and tt i will feel better after a good night's sleep....my heart's broken...it cannot be mend....pls stop breaking it further.....i beg you......coz.....i will die....die of exhaustion....die of disappointments...die of dehydration....i am tired....i feel like sleeping forever.....i wish i am brain dead...so i cannot feel the cold world i'm in....i am shivering...trembling everytime it starts....life is full of ups and downs.....but whats the ratio....

i dun have the strength to carry on anymore.....

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

thanks....for everything...you once gave me......and for holding my hands when i am lost...and warming my heart when i need tt gentleness and love.......however...everything has to come to a close nw.....the ridiculous me.......

mystery unleashed

well well..couldnt slp last night though i was sick...down with fever, sore throat and flu. the medicine has no drowsy effect at all. stayed up till about 4 in the morning. had a good talk with matt and managed to discover come of the secrets and mysteries way back in sec sch. my reaction was both shocked and relieved...of coz...i cannot reveal the topic here...haha...

i guess matt should have the same kinda feeling towards the topic as well...i guess both of us felt relieved after finding out so much tt were kept from us in the past...but well i guess...it's just the way things shd turn out huh....though it may not have worked towards the way we wanted...but things will work out in another way which is the least expected from us...right?

well....it's onli the first week of the month...and i fell sick...gosh....down with fever and flu....used tissue paper until my nose is peeling!!! gross....stupid medical fee cost me $44 man...damn...freaking ex but no choice...all clinics closed...gotta visit the 24hrs clinic...though can claim...but the stupid company allow us to clain $250 onli la!!!!stingy pigs....but wanna leave the com soon...cant stand it...getting more and more political...and system getting messier...shall not complain anymore...it's never ending...

hahaha...happy day....played mahjong today...first round...played with sis,bro-in-law and auntie....won $18...though nt alot la...but come on man..play 10cents 20cents only la...kekekek...the lousiest player won? second round....my mum replaced auntie....i won 2bucks...so total for today....20bucks...kekeke...kelong man....dunno hw i play today also....my bro-in-law lost the most...coz he won my fren's money too many times....it's a revenge...hahah...

anyway....glad tt i am able to spend so much time with my family nw...all thanks to mahjong...and indeed....we grew closer....the onli left is my dad....dunno what to do to get him more involved...it's difficult la....shrugz.....

alright...nth much to blog abt....wanna wish my mum,jimmy,matthew and hisam a happy birthday~!!!!! upcoming will be katty and myself~!! haha old liao....*faintz*